


and so they are alone

by shxme



Series: and so they are alone [1]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Emotions are Complicated, M/M, Mild torture, Rhaast's pov, Sex, Slow Burn, Unreliable Narrator, a bit of dubious consent but not really, some trippy mind shit, there's sex in chap 2 but the BURN is slow, they are not good people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-10-05 08:59:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17321948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shxme/pseuds/shxme
Summary: Rhaast only has one goal. Destroy Shieda Kayn's mind so he can claim his body and wreak havok across Runeterra. Unfortunately, conquering Kayn is not a simple task. The longer Rhaast takes, the more complicated it becomes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> yo! so this is my first fic for lol. i dont have a beta or any of that so any mistakes are my own. i did a ton of reading and stuff about darkin, (the lolwiki page on darkin was great) and i just wanted to present a more... complicated take on their relationship? idk.
> 
> oh and im writing ahead so there's another chapter and a half already ready.

They are at odds with each other. The whole of Ionia knows it, though Ionia itself cannot express it in any way other than twisting the natural magics of the land. Kayn cannot see it but Rhast can. With his single eye he watches Ionia’s wild power desperately avoid Kayn—avoid _Rhaast—_ at all costs.

****

And so they are alone. Rhaast prefers it like that. There are more chances to pick at Kayn’s defenses. His confidence, his ego, his _ignorance._

_“You will crumble.”_

Kayn doesn’t even look at him. “I will not,” He whispers under his breath. He shifts minutely from his position and the branches hiding him sway gently. They are high off the ground, perilously so.

****

They remain quiet for a few minutes longer, watching the small caravan of Noxian soldiers approach from down the road. They are coming from the coast nearby and they will be going no farther. Rhaast can feel hunger course like fire through him. Soon. No more than two wagons and four horsemen. Barely a taste of blood.

Kayn waits patiently till the caravan is directly under them, then he leaps down with an unpredicted grace. They slaughter the Noxians easily. Not even the horses are left alive. Rhaast watches Kayn dig through the wagons carefully.

“Ammo and supplies.” There is annoyance in his voice as he unwraps a package of salted meat. Rhaast can use annoyance. “Where were they going?”

 _“We could have interrogated them,”_ he growls. _“But you killed them before we had the chance.”_

He sees Kayn’s mouth twitch into a momentary frown before he shrugs. Playing off his oversight as nonexistent. “They’re Noxians. They deserve no mercy.”

An opening. _“Aren’t you Noxian?”_

He feels it. They way Kayn’s grip around him tightens.The slightest difference in his composure.

“I belong to Ionia now. Under Master Zed’s teachings.”

****

Rhaast can see the magic in the air. He knows that Ionia doesn’t want them.

****

***

****

Kayn is the ideal host. Worthy of being Rhaast’s vessel. Cold and murderous and magical. A good assassin. Being hasty to kill is not a downside in Rhaast’s eyes.

****

Except he is stubborn. Viciously so. When Rhaast tells him _“Submit!”_ he does not do it. When the darkin reaches deep into Kayn’s mind, to pull him apart from the inside and force his control—instead he finds a wall. A barrier of some sorts. A testament to Kayn’s mental fortitude. It is something that Rhaast cannot break, nearly as frustrating as the scythe that imprisons him.

****

A hindrance. Rhaast wants this body. He wants it badly. Every crack in Kayn’s armor must be widened until he can win. Until the corruption can creep over the rest of Kayn’s body and wrench the humanity from him.

To be fair, Kayn isn't very humane to begin with, but that just means he’s even more of a perfect host. Harder to crack, definitely, but Rhaast can do it. Rhaast _will_ do it.

****

The lofty ceilings and graceful architecture of Kinkou Monastery do not fit with the assassins and murderers living inside. Rhaast watches the eyes of the other acolytes turn away from the two of them. They are fearful.

 _“A fine morning of killing,”_ he says to Kayn.

They are no longer hidden in the trees so Kayn talks openly as they march through the spacious entrance hall to one of the courtyards where Zed is probably lurking. “I will take the chance to kill Noxians any day.”

The surrounding acolytes shift among themselves. He sounds mad, talking to himself. The others will not go near them. That is how Rhaast wants it.

****

If Master Zed is impressed with Kayn’s work, he does not show it. Kayn does not ask for praise either, only waits in the courtyard for any closing remarks.

“Another caravan is sure to follow,” Zed notes coldly. “Remain here until our sentries call for you.”

Kayn dips his head respectfully. Rhaast is behind his back, clutched tightly in his darkin hand.

 _"_ _Like a trained dog,”_ he remarks.

He gets no response from Kayn until they’ve left Zed in the courtyard.

“I will surpass him,” Kayn responds idly as he crosses the western hall towards his room. He says it so casually, with such _confidence._ The human is all confidence, so arrogantly self-assured that he doesn’t even consider the possibility that Zed could destroy him.

****

The late-day sun cuts stripes of light through the graceful windows in the hall. Every time Kayn steps in front of one of the thin windows, intent on his way, the sun flashes across his face, glinting off his darkin arm and creating stark shadows.

It’s _his_ arm. It belongs to _him._ Rhaast often finds himself looking at it, looking at how close he is to just _escaping_. The shine of his claws particularly entice him. Not enough blood on those sharp tips.

They finally arrive at Kayn’s room, nearly the last down the hall. The room is simple on the inside. A thin bed sits tightly against the wall next to a set of open shelves for storing his clothes and belongings (kunai, sickles, weapons that Kayn’s left behind). Kayn unties his small travel bag from his belt and and sets it on the shelf still packed. Hopefully they will not have to wait long before a new Noxian caravan is sighted.

Kayn rinses his hands in the corner basin, flicking droplets off his fingers. Then he sits cross legged at the short table in the center of the room, Rhaast balanced carefully across his lap.

 _"Meditation again.”_ Rhaast is disappointed. The caravan during the morning had merely strengthened his appetite. _“Are you afraid to let me fester? I thought you were confident in your abilities?”_

“I’m doing what Master Zed instructed.” Kayn closes his eyes.

Rhaast knows why he does it. Once he gets a taste of death he grows restless, more feisty. Zed has him meditate every day and every time he comes back from a killing, for hours on end. To help Kayn “win.”

Kayn cannot win.

_“Still like a trained dog.”_

“I _will_ succeed Zed but until then I will wait.”

Rhaast tries to convey his malcontent to Kayn. _“So until then you will remain a puppet, just like you will be a puppet to me.”_

“Everything is so black and white to you,” Kayn murmurs.

 _“No, to me everything is red,”_ he reaches down their connection with his power. Feeling for that wall he knows exists.

Kayn hums in amusement, he shakes his head slightly and his long hair sways. For a brief moment Rhaast entertains himself. The wall is there, preventing him from taking his rightful form, but if he _could—_ if he _could_ have his form right here and now he’d try twisting his sharp fingers through Kayn’s lengthy braid and _jerking_ him to the floor. To kneel. A trained dog even as Rhaast’s vicious grip keeps him at his feet where he belongs.

He’s suddenly aware of Kayn. His presence hovers near him in the wide space of their strange bond. There’s a flicker of color coursing through him. Something that Rhaast has never seen before. Not quite red.

 _“What?”_ He snaps tiredly, opening his own eye to stare up at Kayn from his position still flat across his lap. He wants his form. He wants his body back, he is tired of this. _“Did you see something you liked?”_

Kayn doesn’t respond. Inside their bond the color courses again.

Unsure. The boy is unsure. About what? Rhaast does not care. He’s been caught off balance and that is an opportunity. He rushes through the bond, invading Kayn’s mind like a raging storm, clawing at everything, clawing at—

The wall. Rhaast howls at it. The damned _wall._ It has not wavered, or if it has then the flaw was so insignificant that even a darkin couldn’t notice it. He howls again, louder, thrashing, trying to break it, to break _Kayn._

It’s proof that Kayn is the perfect vessel, the way he refuses to let go of Rhaast and sever the strongest parts of their connection. Instead he pushes against him, slowly forcing him out of Kayn’s mind and just into the null space they both share when they’re in contact.

“You will listen to _me,”_ Kayn commands fiercely.

Rhaast will not lose to this boy. He knows that with certainty. But he does not try to take over again. Instead he sinks into himself and broods over the life that he used to live. A hellish battlefield, scattered with dead. Once he’d been death himself.

   

They remain quiet till the room grows dim. There are no windows in Kayn’s room but the door faces the western hall’s many windows so light fades slowly as dusk arrives. Rhaast knows the meditation is over when he feels Kayn’s legs shift under him.

_"Finally.”_

“You are too impatient.” Kayn stretches before he sits on his bed. Rhaast watches him undo his braid and deftly braid it again. Thinking.

He is set flat against the opposite wall. The bond is weaker when they’re not touching but he is still close enough to feel the current of Kayn’s mood and communicate his own thoughts.

_“I want more Noxian blood.”_

He can feel Kayn’s thoughts swell with agreement. “As do I.”

Rhaast isn’t just talking about the enemy soldiers, but Kayn doesn’t need to know that now.

   

***

****

The sentry calls for them in the middle of the night. Another caravan was sighted, dropped off by a Noxian sloop. Kayn is a light sleeper and rouses easily. He slips his boots on and reties his clothes before picking up Rhaast. Their bond strengthens once more. Rhaast can almost feel the bite of early morning cold against Kayn’s nose as they depart the monastery.

 _“Interrogate them this time,”_ he reminds. _“I want more Noxians on my blade.”_

“In due time.” He mutters quietly.

The world around them is quiet. Even the wildlife sleep soundly as they trek back to the road where the first caravan had been slaughtered. It’s an almost two hour journey but that is why they leave so early. When they finally arrive Kayn positions himself in the trees once more, finding a sturdy set of branches to use as his perch.

Rhaast bides his time exploring Kayn’s consciousness. A Noxian born boy, he’d found that memory already. He relives the memory of Kayn picking him up for the first time, of feeling the corruption crawl up his arm like a sickness. So confident still. Perfect.

He knows Kayn is near him, watching him as he looks for memories. They both know that Rhaast is searching for a weakness. A fear or a flaw to exploit. But the boy’s recollections are fleeting. He is not old as millenia so he does not have as many memories as Rhaast does.

“Let me see,” Kayn tells him.

Rhaast shares a memory without comment.

He is standing in a decimated town, scythe dripping holy red onto the cracked stone streets. The city is ablaze, smoke and fire reaching towards the sky. There are people still hidden in the remaining houses, they will die later. Instead, Rhaast focuses on the darkin in front of him. A once-brother, twisted by time and loss. The darkin howls and spreads his wings.

 _“Rhaast,”_ he bellows. _“You cross into my territory.”_

His scythe sings with anger. He doesn’t care. _“I needed more blood. I won't stay too long.”_

The opposing darkin hefts his sword, wings beating the air furiously, teeth gnashing into a frenzy. _“I will put you down!”_

Rhaast accepts this fight readily. His weapon feels right in his hand, fitting perfectly with his movements like it always does. The blade nearly whistles as he swings it through the air towards Aatrox—

****

_“Aatrox,”_ Kayn mouths silently.

Rhaast dismisses the memory sullenly. He wants his body back.

The time waiting has been spent quickly, sky brightening with the new day. It does not take much longer before Kayn hears the familiar sound of the caravan approaching in the distance.

“Almost.” Kayn whispers.

Rhaast is nearly antsy in anticipation, hunger growing strong. There are more this time. Two wagons and six horsemen.

Kayn drops on them once they’re below, lightning fast he impales one of the men in the chest and wrenches the scythe away in time to split another rider in half. The Noxians are quick to turn, horses rearing in a panic, swords drawn. One of the soldiers quickly levels a heavy pistol at Kayn, only to watch him pass through the large carts like a ghost to attack the soldiers on the other side.

His movements are fluid and his attacks are precise. Seven lives snuffed out in just a few minutes. The remaining horseman’s hand shakes too much to aim his pistol properly. Kayn knocks him off his panicked horse with a sweeping kick. The pistol spins across the road, useless.

“Where are you headed?” Kayn levels Rhaast against the man’s throat. He can feel the fear in the man’s body. So close to slicing into his neck.

To his credit, the Noxian spits in Kayn’s face, eyes nearly all white with fear.

“Strength—over all.” He says it with a finality, like he knows he will die.

And Kayn, with Rhaast’s bloodlust running through his head, helps him to it, decapitating him in an instant.

 _“Yes!”_ Rhaast hisses. This is what he loves, the killing blow. _“The smell of death!”_

Kayn flicks the Noxian filth off his cheek. He lifts the cover over the wagons and starts looking through the contents.

“They cannot best me.”

 _“And I will feast on their failures.”_ Rhaast adds. His whole being thrums with excitement.

****

Kayn hurries to look through the wagon. Every package is hastily torn open and discarded when it’s not of use. Dried food, canisters of oil, bags full of musket balls. It tells them nothing except that Noxus is supplying for an attack.

Finally Kayn reaches for a thin metal box. It had wedged itself between the side of the cart and a stack of wrapped swords. Inside lies a collection of silver bands, smooth and elegant. Kayn picks one up cautiously.

“What are these?” He asks.

Rhaast, leaned against the wagon with his darkin sight, watches as the currents of Ionia’s natural magic—which already avoid them—completely wink out of existence.

 _“Kayn—”_ he starts with urgency, because that is not right—the magic is never gone completely—

He sees the boy go completely rigid, eyes wide and mouth open, before he topples limply to the ground.

And Rhaast can do nothing but remain as his connection to the world is suddenly gone.

****

***

****

The darkness is the worst. It crushes upon him, leaving him silent and alone. Without Kayn he cannot see, instead Rhast is a creature trapped in endless night. Time has no meaning, everything blending together into oblivion.

He wants Kayn, but Kayn is most likely dead. And with that, the perfect chance at escaping had been ripped away from him. He will have to find a new host, and that will take such a long time.

He doesn’t know how long he stays in the dark. It would not matter if he did. Rhaast wallows in his misery. He’d been so close. Until—

****

A ripple of color near his consciousness fills him with tireless relief. _Kayn._ He’s faint, barely there, but he is alive. If only Rhaast was nearer to him, so Kayn could lend him his sight.

He sees the faint color of Kayn’s aura flash white for a moment. Then again. He tries to move closer but the constraints of his prison keep him from getting too close. They are simply too far apart.

 _“Kayn?”_ He calls, looking for a response of some sort. Instead Kayn’s wispy consciousness flashes white again, holding the color for a few seconds before it fades completely away.

Helpless but not hopeless. He is angry.

****

Eventually Kayn is near again. Perhaps closer this time, as Rhaast can almost reach him through their bond. He does not seem right, a crackle of green sluggishly curls through his aura like a snake. He glows white, again and again.

 _“Kayn!”_ Rhaast tries to get through to him. _“Kayn you must get closer! I cannot help you otherwise.”_

He gets no reply.

****

The third time they find each other. Their bond is far stronger. Not as good as it is usually, but they are close enough for Rhaast to get away from the darkness and probe into Kayn’s mind.

It is nearly empty, blank and odd. Rhaast searches further for answers ( _the wall?)_ but it all feels wrong. Before he can do much more, Kayn’s mind explodes into white-hot pain, Rhaast included. He immediately withdraws. A second later, his mind settles.

The darkin presses in again, looking for something salvageable in the emptiness of Kayn’s conciousness. The agony arrives in waves, striking like lightning. Some pulses last longer than others, but they are all horrifically painful.

Rhaast pushes onwards till the wrongness of Kayn’s empty head is too much. It does not feel right, like something he must avoid. He is not prepared for this.

He calls for Kayn again, unwilling to go further.

This time there’s a result. He can see Kayn’s aura clearly. The sickly green tendril still slips around his consciousness, but he is clearer. He approaches Rhast, radiating hurt and fear and confusion.

Rhaast surrounds him with an almost protective desperation. He cannot have his host break. The darkness of his cursed form is too miserable of an existence.

 _“Closer,”_ he urges. _“Get closer.”_

It’s as if Kayn is reaching for him, trying to do as he says.

“Rhaast—” he can hear him, sounding as faint as an echo.

 _"Closer!”_ he repeats. _“You need to be closer, Kayn!”_

Everything explodes into sharp pain. For too long they are both frozen in time, unable to do anything but endure. Once it finally ends Rhaast quickly encircles Kayn once more, watching as his consciousness flickers weakly. After a moment Kayn disappears entirely.

****

***

****

It is with a rush of renewed energy that Rhaast realizes he can see. The bond has suddenly solidified entirely. There are shaky fingers curled around his staff. Not to wield but merely to hold. He opens his eye instantly, examining the world around him for the first time in what feels like eons.

A cell. They are in a dark stone cell and Kayn is on the ground. They are both on the ground. Everything smells of Noxus. Of black powder and filth.

 _“Kayn!”_ He prods at him, surging down their bond to the boy’s mind. The closer he gets the more things he is aware of. There is a metal shackle around Kayn’s ankle. His whole body is sore and nothing is right. The closer he gets to Kayn the more that is evident.

There are people watching them too. Rhaast sees them on the other side of the barred wall, monitoring them.

“Again,” says one of the men watching them. He is hidden by the dimness of the room, features mysterious. Another man enters the cell. He crouches by Kayn, still nearly limp on the floor.

 _“Get up,”_ Rhaast prods Kayn. _“Fight! Summon your strength!”_

The Noxian holds a syringe, filled with some sort of clear solution. He flips Kayn’s human arm over and presses his thumb against the inside of his elbow. Rhaast is made aware that Kayn has been injected this same way multiple times.

He can only watch as the needle pierces Kayn’s skin. The injection doesn’t take long but Kayn groans tiredly in protest, his first real noise.

Once they are alone in their cell, apart from the man watching from the shadows, Rhaast tries again.

He does not wander too far into his mind. Kayn’s head doesn’t feel right. It makes more sense now. He must be getting drugged with some Noxian poison. Indeed even if there’s a possibility of the wall being down right now, Rhaast does not dare go further. It is not well.

 _“We must escape,”_ he growls. _“Escape with the shadows. I will lend you my strength.”_

Kayn coughs quietly. There is blood crusted around his nose. “I can’t.” His words are slurred and strange. “My magic—” He raises his human hand slightly. There is a silver band, like the ones in the wagon, around his wrist. A bracelet.

 _“What corrupt technology is this?”_ He doesn’t know how Noxus has managed to suppress magic. The only creatures he knew that could do that existed within the void.

_“We must destroy this. My blade is sharp!”_

“I can’t.” Kayn echoes. He coughs again, voice breaking. “Rhaast—everything’s—bad. Don’t feel good.”

Rhaast knows they will not be kept here forever. _“Idiot boy!”_ He shouts. _“We must! They seek to destroy us! Get up!”_

Kayn does not respond well to this. He draws in a harsh, shaky breath and lets go of Rhaast entirely. Their already drug-weakened bond grows even fainter. Rhaast is immediately plunged back into darkness, eye closed.

 _“Kayn,”_ he hovers at the brink of the human’s mind. The wrongness is even more evident now. Noxian poison is keeping him this way.

There is no answer.

 _“Kayn!”_ Rhaast tries again. _“Now is not the time to sulk like a spoiled child.”_ It is frustrating, normally he can still see even if they a little apart. That is not the case now.

Yet another coughing fit. Then he can see again, even the dull interior of their prison is welcomed. The man in the shadows is still there, looking at them.

Kayn shares a memory with him. It is hazy and sluggish.

He lies on a cold table, held down as a shock of electricity alights his body with pain. He hurts. He hurts so much. The shock is a pain he can’t escape. His head is hollow from injections and missing magic.

 _“Information,”_ a Noxian woman says coldly. _“Information or fealty. Commit to us or die.”_

Kayn won’t say anything.

 _“We won’t kill him yet,”_ Another man speaks, authority evident. Kayn cannot see him. He’s somewhere behind his head, which hurts far too much to move. _“Noxus will benefit greatly if we harness a darkin.”_

 _“Yes sir,”_ the woman agrees, sounding almost disappointed.

 _“Electrocute him again,”_ the man orders. _“He will learn control.”_ The man’s boots _clack_ on the stone floor. _“And fetch his weapon,”_ he says as an afterthought.

Kayn hears a high pitched hum as the woman readies his next torture.

****

The memory fades away. Rhaast pokes at Kayn through their bond but he is unresponsive. Passed out. At least they’re still maintaining contact. He peers around the cell, searching for a weakness. His gaze once again alights on the man.

They are looking at each other.

   

The man steps out of the darkness. From his position on the floor Rhaast can finally see him better. He’s got the sturdy armor of a Noxian commander, a cruel look in his dark eyes. A scar cuts across his lip.

“You are Rhaast,” he says by way of greeting. It’s the man from Kayn’s torture.

He regards the human coldly.

“I am Commander Stowe,” he continues, unperturbed. “I would like to use your abilities for the empire.”

The insolence with which this man speaks angers him. Rhaast decides to talk aloud, so he can commune directly. Kayn is incapable of doing so right now, anyway.

 **_“You will use me for nothing.”_ ** Kayn shifts as he speaks, curling on himself just a little, grip tightening on his staff. **_“I am no mere weapon to be wielded.”_ **

Stowe falls quiet. Rhaast prods at Kayn once more but he is still gone.

“Consider an offer then,” Stowe does not stop staring at him. “You desire destruction. Noxus can encourage that, as long as you kill in our name. You would greatly strengthen the empire. You would be feared and revered.”

Rhaast scoffs. **_“It was Noxus itself that kept me hidden before I was freed.”_ **

“Most do not understand your _power.”_ Stowe raises his fist. Manic. Rhaast knows that look. It’s insatiable. “They fear darkin. I seek to show the empire that we should _embrace_ your ability.”

 _**"** _ **_**I** have lived for millenia,” _ ** he snarls. **_“I have led the greatest armies across Runeterra. I will not be kept on a leash like an animal.”_ **His rage is towering and thunderous. Kayn shifts again, murmuring something intelligible.

Commander Stowe is impassive. He runs a hand through his short brown hair. “Then you will be left imprisoned. We will have this one killed once he tells us all he knows.” He gestures towards Kayn with a sweep of his foot.

Rhaast doesn’t want this. The oblivion he spends trapped inside his scythe, with no contact to tether him to the earth—dying would be preferable to that. Kayn must survive so he can take his body.

“I could be your host.” Now _that_ catches his attention. The only reason someone would offer themselves would be because someone thinks they can overpower him.

**_“You.”_ **

“Yes.” Stowe tilts his head. “I want power. You can give me that. Strength over all, that’s the Noxian way.”

It is tempting, very much so. A way _out._ But he doesn’t know if Stowe’s body would crumble under his power, or stand strong like he knows Kayn’s will. He wants a perfect vessel. Someone he can use for a very long time.

 **_“Will you prove worthy?”_ **He asks.

“Easily,” Stowe answers. “In only one year I am already a commander for Noxus. I’ve helped take over many cities. They side with our empire or they go up in flames. I am not afraid of a fight. In fact, I _live_ for them.” He nods at Kayn. “Besides. Your current prospect doesn’t look too well.”

Rhaast’s eye narrows.

“I will let you think about it for a while.” Stowe enters their cell. “I’ll even let you remain with your sickly chosen while you decide, taking precautions of course.” He reaches towards the wall, bringing another iron shackle into view. This one is larger. He locks it shut around Kayn’s neck and pulls on the chain once to test it.

“Noxians do not underestimate their opponents.” With the heel of his boot Stowe steps on Kayn’s fingers, none too gently. The pain has the desired effect. Kayn pulls his hand off of Rhast.

And so he is alone again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo we're back. setting up some plot threads here. also there is SMUT and it is KINDA detailed at the end so if that's not your thing you are warned in advance. its plot conducive, but its also straight up smut. there's a lot of things going on here.

At first he does not seek out Kayn again. Instead, he thinks.

It is possible that Commander Stowe would be a good host. An easy take. But Rhaast does not know for certain. It’s very possible that Stowe is hiding some major flaw in his psyche.

But if he did, why would he offer himself to be a host in the first place? Perhaps he is blinded by his search for power and does not realize that he would be a failure.

But—a body is a body. He has the secret feeling Stowe would last him a while. It is an enticing offer. Rhaast is unsure how to respond.

****

Kayn coughs again, harder this time. The cold floor is not helping him in any way. Rhaast reaches out with his mind. He wants to see again. That is his first priority.

_" Reach for me,” _ he orders.

He can tell Kayn is stirring, weak aura swirling with ugly green. 

_" Reach for me!” _ he repeats louder.

Kayn’s consciousness shrinks away from him. Rhaast seeths with frustration. If Kayn was of his right mind he would say something arrogant but do what he had to do anyway. There is no arrogance or confidence now. Kayn is not well. Rhaast’s aggressiveness only upsets him further.

He spends more time thinking. He remembers millenia ago, when the world was different. When his name meant something  _ different.  _

They need to escape. 

Rhaast recalls encountering Kayn’s aura earlier, feeling the human reach for him, even through the faintness of their bond. How does he get  _ that  _ to happen again?

A different tactic. He flows through their bond again, this time when he senses Kayn near he approaches carefully.

“Rha—ast?” He hears, slurred and confused.

_ “Kayn,”  _ he surrounds him with his presence. 

“You’re here…” Kayn sighs. So different from his usual demeanor. Soft. Rhaast has no doubt that the wall is down in the boy’s mind. He could easily take over, if not for the fact that the poison lowering his defenses is the same one keeping Rhaast away. Something is too wrong. He will not test that.

_ “I’m here,”  _ Rhaast agrees, forcing the hard edge out of his voice.  _ “We need to escape.” _

“Can’t—” Kayn’s aura flickers. He coughs weakly. “Don’t feel good.”

_ “You can!”  _ Rhaast immediately lowers his tone as he feels, rather than sees, Kayn flinch.  _ “You can,”  _ he encourages.  _ “We need to escape or they will kill you.” _

Kayn’s soul flickers even more. Rhaast quickly curls tighter around him, as if trying to keep a flame alive by blowing on it. It does seem to help somehow. He hears a muted slap as Kayn’s arm knocks on the ground.

_ “You need to reach for me,”  _ he urges.  _ “I need you to help me see.” _

“Help you see…” Kayn mutters. “Rhaast—don’t feel good.”

Rhaast smothers his annoyance with assurance. If he gets upset with Kayn the boy might retreat again and Rhaast will not follow him into his mind. He needs him to be at ease. Diplomacy has not been something he’s needed to use for decades.

_ “I know,”  _ he practically croons.  _ “I know you don’t feel good. Kayn, if you reach for me I will help you feel better.” _

He hears a faint scrape as Kayn’s darkin fingers search for him. A moment later the connection is reestablished. He opens his eye barely a fraction. There is another guard watching them. He stands against the wall in front of their cage. Looks young.

_ “Good job,”  _ he hums. A plan is forming in his mind.

Kayn’s consciousness visibly strengthens from the praise. It surprises Rhaast. 

_ “Here,”  _ he finds a memory for Kayn. Not a particularly violent one. A summer night spent journeying through Valoran plains to his next slaughter. The night had been pleasantly warm and the fireflies had dotted the open fields like stars. If anything the heat should help soothe Kayn’s mind.

****

He keeps his eye barely open to watch the guard. The soldier shifts idly, unsure of how exactly to spend his time. He is weak. Rhaast will only need him for a moment anyway. But first he will need an opportunity. There is a pail at the soldier’s feet, the curved end of a ladle sticking up clearly past the rim. 

_ “Kayn,”  _ he carefully ushers the memory away.  _ “I need you to do something for me.” _

“Can’t do much…” Kayn warns quietly.

He hovers around him once more.  _ “We’re going to escape.”  _

Once again he feels it, Kayn reaching for him. Perhaps the warmth of his being is what he wants. He lets him closer without protest. 

_ “You need to cough.”  _

“Can’t—throat hurts,” Kayn complains softly. “Head hurts, Rhaast—” 

Rhaast hushes him quickly. He knows Kayn hurts. If he focuses on what Kayn is feeling then his whole being alights with soreness and sickness . He’s most likely feverish as well. The cold floor does him no favors.

_ “I know it hurts,”  _ he reassures.  _ “We need to leave. They will kill you if we don’t. It will hurt but you must do this for me.” _

“I—” A slow pause. “Okay…”

_ “Good,”  _ he affirms. He sees with fascination how Kayn’s aura brightens. Has he ever heard Kayn receive praise before? From Zed? From anyone?

****

Kayn shifts a little on the floor. The locks around his ankle and neck scrape quietly. He coughs once, a forced sound, then again. One more time and suddenly he’s shaking, a fit overtaking his body. His grip is tight around Rhaast.

The guard does nothing but stand uncomfortably as Kayn hacks onto the floor. He glances away, almost as if debating whether to call for backup. Eventually, after it’s gone on for too long, the boy reaches for the pail at his feet and unlocks the cell door, stepping inside. 

“Don’t die,” he says it like an order but his words carry no weight. He is nervous.  _ Weak.  _ The pail is dropped by Kayn’s head. He’s not coughing now but his breath is coming and going with a worrisome rattling noise as he gasps for air. Rhaast observes them both, secretly watching.

“Drink,” the guard nudges Kayn with the point of his shoe, uncomfortable. 

_ “I will lend you some of my strength,”  _ Rhaast tells Kayn firmly.  _ “Do what you must.”  _

He sends his power down their bond, a river of energy. It will not be the most useful, but it will be enough.

Kayn lets go of Rhaast and he is plunged into blackness. The only connection he has to the world is through Kayn. He hears something clatter onto the ground. Everything is muted and dull sounding.

“Just drink, dammit,” The guard says.

A short, choked scream is the only warning before Rhaast is suddenly in contact with— _ a body.  _ His eye flares wide open as he instantly invades the weak soldier. Taking control is easy. He swarms up their pseudo bond to his mind. There are no barriers to keep him from devouring the boy’s soul. In less than thirty seconds, the guard is gone entirely. 

**_“A fool,”_ ** Rhaast rolls his shoulders stiffly and picks his scythe off the ground. The problem with unworthy hosts is that they never last long. Already he can feel his body changing, skin becoming scaly carapace and then worse. They must get out quickly. 

He cuts Kayn loose. Once both shackles are off Kayn sits up just enough to drink water desperately, ignoring the ladle and instead cupping handfuls like he’s dying from thirst.

**_“Get up.”_ ** Rhaast pulls his human arm away from the pail of water and examines the band around his wrist. It is tight around his wrist. How did they make this? He carefully maneuvers the tip of his scythe under the band and slices through it. It clatters to the ground.

Not much time. He pulls Kayn to his feet. The human sways, clearly not well. 

“Rhaast—we have to go…”

**_“Yes, Kayn, can you cast?”_ ** Rhaast asks.

Kayn curls one of his hands into a fist. A shadow sparks up his arm but it is weak. “Not much.” he mutters. 

Rhaast does not care. More to kill. He grabs Kayn’s arm and pulls him along through the hallway and into the adjacent room. A torture area he thinks. The one from Kayn’s memories. There are some Noxians here. They shout with alarm and rush to fight but Rhaast cuts them down with ease. The death of the guard had been so swift that the soldiers are still caught unaware. The death excites him like nothing else ever will.

He leads Kayn down another passage, past a storage room and into a large hall. Tables and maps are littered around the room. More soldiers meet him here, this time fully armed. Rhaast roars as he swings his blade, sharp edge cleaving through the soldiers, leaving them massacred in his wake. Among them he notices the female torturer, stomach torn open.

The hall exits to a rough hewn staircase. Rhaast looks at Kayn, still sick but at least more lucid than earlier.

**_“Quickly,”_ ** he wraps his free arm around Kayn’s waist and tugs him up the stairs alongside him. It is the right idea because Kayn stumbles often, coughing and gasping. It’s almost unbelievable, Rhaast protecting a human. Even if he just wants his body. A host that will last him many years at least. Already he can feel his current form decaying, fingers quickly turning black, strength fading.

They reach the top of the stairs and come upon a wide landing. There’s an iron door set into the wall. Commander Stowe stands there too. He blocks their way imposingly, full Noxian vestments helping him cut a sturdy figure. He stares at Rhaast almost reverently.

“I cannot let you pass,” he says, tone surprisingly firm. 

**_“What happened to Noxians never underestimating their opponents?”_ ** Rhaast laughs. It doesn’t sound pleasant.  **_“I am darkin and you hope to best me?”_ **

Stowe swallows. He grips a shortsword in one hand but there is a sharp dagger on his belt as well. 

“You are darkin but your chosen is right next to you—” Rhaast pushes Kayn roughly against the wall and steps in front of him. “You cannot have long to this form.”

Rhaast raises his scythe.  **_“Why are you so interested in darkin? Why do you know so much? A nobody soldier.”_ **

“I will become more than that,” Stowe ensures, with a confidence that reminds Rhaast of Kayn. “Use me instead,  _ forget  _ the Ionian. I am worthy, I am capable.” 

Rhaast stands stock still. It’s a good offer. An almost perfect offer. He could easily take over Stowe and ravage the whole of Noxus, an entire empire of will-be corpses. He would be feared by all of Runeterra. 

Kayn coughs harshly behind him, muffling his sounds with his hands. Rhaast looks at his own hands. They are black. He can see the tips of his fingers starting to crumble into dust.

Rhaast strikes without warning, arcing a swing towards Stowe who blocks his attack against the hilt of his sword. The Noxian instantly rushes him, using the scythe’s long range as an opportunity to get close instead. He stabs at Rhaast’s side and the darkin pivots away. 

Unfortunately Kayn being so close to him impedes the flow of his movements in a full fight. Rhaast uses his elbow to shove Kayn along as he rotates away from Stowe. No doubt that is the real target. The commander gets close again and with Kayn jammed so close against his back he resorts to using the staff to block the incoming swing. Stowe’s other hand flies to his dagger and he suddenly lunges around to—

Except Kayn is gone, dissolved into shadow at just the perfect moment. He rises from the darkness in the opposite corner, coughing harshly. Stowe is caught off guard and already mid strike, now leaping at nothing. It is easy enough to kick him backwards and now—with no Kayn to immediately watch for, Rhaast spins his weapon and impales him entirely.

He wrenches the blade free.  **_“You will never become more than what you are.”_ ** Stowe’s mouth opens and closes silently as his life force leaks down the stairs.  **_“Food for rats.”_ **

Kayn will not stop coughing. Even as his fingers continue to dissolve, Rhaast rips the door open to find a shorter flight of stairs. He curves an arm around Kayn and practically drags him up.

**_“You will have to take over,”_ ** they reach the top of the stairs and open one last door. Natural light streams in. _ Finally  _ the exit. They are in a forest clearing next to a grassy knoll. Ionia still. There’s no doubt from the magic in the air. This must have been where all the caravans were going. He takes one shaky step away and drops his scythe to the grass. 

Kayn’s finished coughing finally, however there’s blood on his lips and his chest is heaving. He stumbles towards Rhaast, watching as the rest of him blows away into black dust.

Fortunately Rhaast does not wait in the darkness long. Kayn lifts him and he opens his eye to survey their surroundings.

_ “Find a river,”  _ he recommends.  _ “They all lead to Kinkou.” _

Kayn wanders almost drunkenly until they find a stream. Once they do it’s a simple matter of finding the sun to reorient themselves. Almost all the Ionian rivers lead to the coast. They simply have to follow it towards the mountains instead. 

“Hold on—” Kayn’s voice comes out raspy and hoarse. He gulps down handfuls of fresh water. In fact, he drinks so fast that he almost chokes, triggering another seemingly endless coughing fit that leaves him convulsing on the riverbank. Rhaast can only watch. Helpless.

Kayn spits red onto the grass and struggles to his feet. 

****

The journey back to Kinkou is painful. While their original trip had taken a little under two hours, Kayn is very unwell and they are returning from an unknown distance. Many times as the hours slip by, Kayn stops to cough up blood. A few instances he even collapses on the ground, trembling so hard that he can’t continue and Rhaast must funnel energy into him or engulf his flickering aura with his own, bigger one.

The Noxian injections, whatever they may have been, are wreaking havoc on Kayn’s body and mind. However, the sickness in Kayn’s chest is turning out to be much more deadly. At least the drugs will most likely be flushed from Kayn’s body within a few more hours. 

****

There is one thing that remains constant during their miserable trek upstream. Kayn does not let go of Rhaast. Even when he falls to the ground he keeps his fingers tight around him.

Towards the end of the fourth hour, they catch sight of Kinkou Monastery, set up at the start of the mountain cliffs. Rhaast feels overwhelming relief radiate off Kayn. 

_" We’re almost there,” _ he notes. The river has led them correctly. 

Kayn doesn’t say anything. His throat has started hurting too much for him to speak. He leans against Rhaast like a walking stick and staggers onwards. Dusk is setting, and with it, the cold.

****

The acolytes of Zed’s order rush to him when he’s near enough. They hover around him, not touching but shocked and worried. Zed himself comes down to help bring Kayn inside. He is the only one not afraid to touch Kayn. He does not go near Rhaast. 

Once inside, Kayn is quickly brought to his room. Rhaast had finally slipped from his grasp in the entrance hall, clattering on the floor. In the sudden darkness he is wrapped in cloth and also taken to Kayn’s bedside.

It is quiet, so he wonders.

****

***

****

He does not know why he killed Commander Stowe. It is a mystery to him. He could have easily taken control of the foolish man and gone on a rampage.

But he had not. Instead opting to keep Kayn, who is still dangerously sick, even after a day and a half. 

Perhaps it was spite. Hearing his utter arrogance when talking about darkin had certainly angered Rhaast, but Kayn is arrogant all the time and he has not been killed yet. The more that Rhaast thinks about it, the more he doesn’t want to think about it. It doesn’t make sense. There is no reason why he shouldn’t have corrupted the soldier. 

He is tired of pondering so instead he watches Kayn’s recovery, bond strengthened now that the drugs have run their course. His chest shines with sweat, fever freshly broken. At first there had been acolytes reluctantly tending to him hourly. Now they are only nearby, checking in if they hear anything off. Even Zed had stopped by to see him when Kayn was asleep. He’d stood in the doorway, watching him fight for breath, still as a statue.

Indeed with frustrations about Stowe still souring his mood, Rhaast had slipped into Kayn’s mind to see if perhaps he could take over and be done with it. Unfortunately the wall was up, a spiteful reminder that Rhaast cannot get what he wants.

****

If he’d invaded Stowe that might have been different. 

****

***

****

After a few more days Kayn’s rattling cough has eventually improved. He still has violent fits that cause him to curl up, struggling to breathe, but they are uncommon and he’s stopped coughing up blood. 

Zed talks to Kayn in his room. They had disappeared for four nights. With the amount of time Rhaast had spent in the void he was sure it would have been longer. Kayn does his best to explain what happened, how he was interrogated for information about Ionian bases, locations, and people. He explains where the Noxian bunker was located to the best of his ability.

“I can show the way,” he offers.

“No,” Zed instantly shuts him down. “You are ill. I will not have you needlessly risk yourself. I will send others to investigate.”

Rhaast knows Kayn wants to argue but he offers no protest. Zed’s word is final.

“Yes, Master,” he says sullenly. 

Zed gestures towards Rhaast with one metal arm. “Meditate. Your mind must not become weak.” He exits, silent as shadow.

****

Kayn gets out of bed, only a little shaky. Rhaast can tell he’s bored, but even he won’t encourage an outing because of Kayn’s fits.

They slip into their meditation position. Kayn cross legged at the short, round, table, and Rhaast across his knees. 

The darkin rushes down their bond, meeting Kayn at the entrance to his mind. He surrounds him, wrapping around his consciousness. 

_ “Do you remember,”  _ he supplies.  _ “How you would reach for me?” _

Kayn pulls away from him, aura pulsating his normal blue. “No.”

_ “It was almost sweet,”  _ Rhaast’s words drip with venom.  _ “How you would turn to a darkin for comfort.”  _ He is bored of waiting while Kayn recovers, even if it’s necessary. He’s almost tempted to tell Kayn about how gentle he was with him, perhaps shame him further. He keeps that to himself though, because—

Perhaps Rhaast can break Kayn’s wall with consolation instead of rage. It is a novel idea, but Kayn had responded so well to it earlier. 

“I was not lucid,” Kayn reminds him.

_ “I saved you.”  _

Kayn shifts, Rhaast tipping one way briefly. “Because you want my body. You are acting strange.”

Thoughts of Stowe flit through Rhaast’s mind. He dismisses them, annoyed. The thoughts will not let him be. He had lost a chance for a more permanent freedom—for what? A sick and soft assassin. 

_ “You are not as strong as you act.”  _

Kayn’s own anger swells up. “I am strong enough.”

_ “You are fragile and human.”  _ Rhaast snarls. _ “The only reason I protect you is because I desire freedom. Without me you are nothing, and once I finish with you—nothing again.”  _

Kayn coughs once. He projects a memory towards Rhaast. It’s a foggy recollection. Stowe’s sword glints too brightly, his eyes are too black. It is a mockery.

Rhaast wants to reply with more violent rage, but Kayn’s single cough has turned into a full fit. He hunches over the table, sounding in agony as he tries to halt his fit. Rhaast slides off his knees onto the floor and watches as Kayn drags himself to his bed, smothering his tortured noises with a bedcover.

The fit lasts a few long minutes. Once the worst has passed, Kayn reaches desperately for the water jug on the shelf next to him. He pulls the top off and drinks and drinks. Rhaast does not try and help, still seething from the image of Stowe. Instead he relives a few more pleasant memories, remembering with satisfaction the feeling of tearing someone’s throat out with his bare hands. There is nothing quite like that feeling, every torture can elicit a new type of pleasure. 

He wants his body.

He takes notice of Kayn once more as he brushes through his messy hair, eyes glassy from his fit. He rebraids his hair once all the knots have worked out of it, tying the end with a tight loop of fabric. Rhaast entertains himself, thinking like he did days ago, wondering how good it would feel to grip Kayn’s tidy braid and tug his arrogant body to the ground to  _ grovel at Rhaast’s feet.  _

Meanwhile Kayn has gone still, sitting frozen on the bed. Rhaast had not been private with his daydream, not that he would be private with a thought like that anyway. However, in the bond they share, he sees the same unsure color in Kayn’s aura. Like all those days ago. Previously he hadn’t cared, only seeing the boy’s indecision as a time to invade. Now, Rhaast decides to explore further.

_ “What?”  _ He asks, lowering his voice into something softer.  _ “Do my ideas please you?” _

Kayn’s mind radiates his confusion. He doesn’t say anything and without direct contact Rhaast cannot understand him as quickly as he would like.

_ “Touch me,”  _ he says.

Kayn does not have to reach far to grab hold of Rhaast, lifting him onto the low bed where he is sitting. Now that they’re touching, Kayn’s confusion and strangeness is even more apparent. 

_ “Would you want that, Kayn?”  _ Rhaast asks, sickly sweet.  _ “Would you want me to pull your hair? Keep you by my feet like an animal? Maybe even tell you how good you are as you choke on—” _

Kayn quickly places him flat on the floor by his bedside. Rhaast can see a new emotion coloring his mind. Shame.

This is very interesting. Rhaast would be lying if he said he didn’t want to explore this new development. Partly because of boredom, partly because it might be a way past Kayn’s wall, and partly because—death and torture is not the only way Rhaast likes to have fun.

He wonders if Kayn has ever done anything like this before. As far as he knows Kayn has never shown the slightest interest, and he  _ is  _ in a monastery. Perhaps Zed’s acolytes are prudes.

No matter the case, these new strategies are already working infinitely better than just trying to overwhelm Kayn into submission.

****

As night falls upon the monastery, Kayn does not move from his place on the bed or respond to any of Rhaast’s prods. He simply lays there and from Rhaast’s angle on the floor he cannot tell if his eyes are open or closed.

Rhaast lets him be. He has never encountered Kayn in such a strange mood so he does not know how to approach. Even Kayn’s soul has retreated far from him into his own mind. Rhaast does quickly grow bored though, as he often does when he’s trapped in his curse. He decides to try and lure him out.

He wanders at the edge of his consciousness.  _ “Kayn!”  _

The bed creaks gently as Kayn moves, turning onto his side. “Rhaast,” he answers quietly. 

_ “What are you afraid of?”  _ Rhaast asks. Kayn’s aura has reappeared and it flickers with shame and unsurity. 

Kayn coughs and both go silent while they wait in case a fit starts again. Rhaast thinks he might understand anyway.

_ “You’ve never felt something like that before, have you?”  _ He wants to say it.  _ Lust.  _ But he knows that will probably scare Kayn away.

As it is, the human bristles. “I don’t need you telling me this. Talking about—” he falters.

_ “Sex,”  _ Rhaast supplies. 

Kayn instantly starts to retreat. Rhaast realizes that he is very,  _ very _ new to this.

****

_ “Imagine,”  _ he begins before Kayn is gone entirely.  _ “A sturdy hand between your legs,”  _ he does not know how vague to be with his wording.  _ “Making you cry with pleasure.”  _

Kayn is still. Rhaast can feel his shame. His  _ weakness.  _

_ “Perhaps another hand bruising your hip, keeping you in place while you fall apart.” _

He sees Kayn ever so slowly drifting towards him.

_ “A voice in your ear tells you how well you’re doing—”  _ The bed creaks.  _ “How sweet you taste.” _

Clammy fingertips reach down and brush against Rhaast. He takes the contact as an opportunity to heighten the fantasy. He can practically see Kayn in the wide realm of their bond. Not as a mere cloud of aura but as a man. He looks unsure still, cheeks red. Nervous. 

“Rhaast—” he glances at his hands, no trace of corruption on his pale skin, bewildered at taking an actual shape in his mind.

_ “I will show you how to feel good,”  _ Rhaast croons. His own form is not quite solid yet, still mostly hovering energy. He reaches out as a hand forms and curls darkin fingers around Kayn’s wrist, pulling him near. 

Kayn is relenting and the fantasy strengthens even more. A bed rises out of the empty space. If he squints he can see four walls, flickering in and out of this strange existence. He steers Kayn towards it and sits down. It’s different, seeing his old form like this. Both liberating and aggravating. He wonders briefly if the wall is down before he dismisses the thought. Now is not the time. One wrong step and Kayn will bring his guard up stronger than before. Things must go further.

Kayn stares at him, seeing the curves and hard edges of Rhaast’s body. His face is even more flushed and he stares at his body. No one looks at darkin like that, with that level of quiet awe. 

****

_ “Your hair.”  _ Rhaast grabs—and this is becoming  _ his  _ fantasy, isn’t it?—the end of Kayn’s braid and yanks him down. Kayn’s breathing stutters and he falls easily between Rhaast’s legs.

_ “Oh that really does it for you, right?” _ He slips the hairband off and undoes Kayn’s braid with rough fingers, so that his hair falls down his back, inky black like night. He twists his fingers at the back of Kayn’s head and forces his head back to look up at Rhaast. The human groans.

_ “An arrogant assassin, bowing at the feet of a darkin—”  _ Rhaast purrs. He forces his thumb into Kayn’s mouth, pressing against his tongue.  _ “You enjoy being treated like this. You enjoy being handled so carelessly. Told what to do.” _

He pulls his thumb away and shakes Kayn’s head roughly once.  _ “You kneel between my legs, you should know what I require.”  _

****

Kayn pulls down Rhaast’s loose pants hesitantly. His arms tremble slightly when he sees him. Rhaast’s dark cock must be something  _ very  _ new to Kayn. It is not too different from a human’s, aside from the ribbed underside, but that will only serve to make Kayn feel better when Rhaast has his way.

_ “Your first cock and it’s mine,”  _ He laughs as Kayn ducks his head in shame. Rhaast forces his head closer.  _ “I will teach you to worship it.” _

Kayn takes him in his mouth slowly. At first he clearly has no idea what he’s doing, but as Rhaast guides his head back and forth, he starts to move his head in time.

_ “Use your tongue,  _ Rhaast tells him.  _ “Less teeth. Suck in.”  _ Without warning he forces Kayn’s head on his dick, till he can feel the tip against the back of his tight throat.

He holds Kayn’s head in place till he’s clawing at Rhaast’s thighs, then he pulls him off entirely. Kayn coughs and splutters, tears at the corner of his eyes as he gasps for precious air. 

_ “Look at me.”  _ Rhaast tilts Kayn’s head up so that his lips touch the underside of his cock. The boy mouths at him sloppily, eyes meeting Rhaast’s as he pants. There is something in his expression that Rhaast enjoys. A fire. An understanding. 

_ “Perfect,”  _ He leads his mouth back onto his cock, playing with Kayn’s silky hair as he pleases him. After a few minutes he forces Kayn to deepthroat him again, keeping him still until he’s ready to release.

He holds Kayn’s head in place again, feeling the human’s pale fingers flutter across his legs desperately. A moment later he groans, a deep, guttural sound. Kayn falls still as he empties himself into his mouth.

Rhaast pulls Kayn off his cock and immediately claps a hand over his mouth as he coughs harshly. There are tears on his cheeks from not being able to breathe. 

_ “Drink it,”  _ he instructs. Kayn fights him at first, coughing and shaking his head with what little movement he was allowed. Rhaast relishes the struggle. Once it becomes clear that Rhaast will not remove his hand he does finally swallow. Rhaast is almost impressed at how well this prideful boy reacts to being controlled. He removes his hand and Kayn leans against his thigh, chest heaving. 

_ “You did so well,”  _ Rhaast praises him, because even if it is  _ his  _ fantasy he still does have an objective in mind. He tugs Kayn to his feet, so that he’s standing in front of Rhaast. A shaky, crying, mess. 

“I don’t know how—” Kayn’s chokes as Rhaast presses a scaly hand between his legs. “Ah— _ Rhaast—”  _

_ “Let me see you.”  _ he tears Kayn’s pants down, underwear too, as he yanks him down to the bed.  _ “I will have you screaming my name.”  _

****

Kayn’s legs part easily. He is hard, probably has been hard for a while. The moment his hair was pulled perhaps. Rhaast wets his fingers in the boy’s mouth before he pokes at his entrance. It will definitely sting but Rhaast does not mind and he doubts Kayn will either. 

“Rhaast—” Kayn falters as he presses his finger inside. “I—what is this?” He sniffles, sinuses still amuck from deepthroating for that long.

The darkin presses his other hand flat against Kayn’s chest, keeping him down while he hastily fingers him.  _ “This?”  _

“No—” He adds another finger and Kayn gasps when he spreads them. “This. What is—this?”

He inserts a third finger. Kayn squirms as he hurriedly twists and thrusts. Rhaast can feel himself growing hard again. He does not know what exactly is so enticing. Perhaps it’s simply Kayn’s appearance, black hair fanned out on the bed and smooth skin flushed as he wonders what’s happening. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s toying with his food, playing with someone who’s soul will soon be devoured. Rhaast does not know. He does not care.

****

He withdraws his hand.  _ “This?”  _ He practically manhandles Kayn, directing the human to straddle his lap, his dark cock positioned at the ready.

_ “This is a respite,”  _ he hisses against Kayn’s ear. 

His hands are locked around Kayn’s waist as he lowers him onto his cock. Kayn in turn grips hastily at his arms, finding purchase on the dark scaly ridges.

“Rhaast…” He draws in a shallow breath, sounding very much out of his element. Rhaast relishes it, knowing that he is teaching Kayn something that can only be learned once.

He continues to impale Kayn, delightfully tight. Just a little torturous.  _ “Say my name again,”  _ he purrs. 

Kayn winces and wiggles his hips. His fingers dig into Rhaast’s arm. “Rhaast.” His mouth opens as he descends further. A silent groan. 

He bottoms out, relishing in the warm heat around him.  _ “Such an obedient boy. Again!”  _

Kayn flushes under his praise. “Rhaast,” he calls again, a waver in his voice as Rhaast starts to lift him upwards. With his darkin strength he almost pulls Kayn off entirely before letting him sink back down. Kayn chokes, tipping his head back. 

And so it happens like that.

He fucks Kayn at a near brutal pace. Only his restraint keeps him from going even faster. As it is, Kayn is lost, gasping and moaning and—” _ Rhaast!— _ a mess. When Rhaast hits the spot, deep inside of him, Kayn keens. 

Once the darkin grows tired of Kayn riding him, they reposition and he fucks him bareback. For now there is no other life than this. There is no scythe or corruption or curse. There is only the raw pleasure that Rhaast needs. It’s been  _ so long  _ since he’s managed to  _ take  _ like this. And for Kayn it’s his first time being taken at all.

Kayn shrieks his name while he cums. Not once but twice. Rhaast does not care to last much longer. He lunges forward and sinks his fangs into Kayn’s pale shoulder, breaking skin and tasting blood as he releases. Kayn does not push him away. In fact he locks his arms around Rhaast’s broad shoulders and holds him there. 

****

When he finally leans back, coppery blood staining the tips of his fangs, Kayn is a sight to behold. There are dark bruises blooming all over his hips and sides from how tightly Rhaast held him. Scattered nicks and bruises cover the inner parts of his thighs from rocking against Rhaast’s body. The mark on his shoulder is red and his hair is wild. And his eyes—

No one looks at darkin like that. Such open curiosity. Kayn lifts a hand to touch one of Rhaast’s horns, fingers feeling over all the bumps and points. There is no fear in his movements, a hint of his confidence has returned. Rhaast lets him touch. Lets his hands wander across the defined ridges on his face. 

In fact, he returns the contact, gripping the smooth curve of Kayn’s throat. He feels his pulse against his palm, steady and human.

He remembers the strenuous journey back to Kinkou, how no matter how badly the sickness had wracked his body, Kayn had not let go.

_ “You were so good,”  _ Rhaast strokes his thumb down the side of his throat.

Kayn smiles, not a big smile. Barely there and exhausted from lust. A weak smile.

Rhaast’s grip suddenly becomes crushing. He tears through Kayn’s mind with a roar. A moment of vulnerability. The easy compliment. Kayn bucks in his grasp, fingers immediately trying to pry his hand off his throat.

_ “Relent,”  _ He orders. 

Kayn kicks at him, to no effect. His face is turning blue. Rhaast invades deeper and finds—the  _ accursed wall.  _

_ “Give up!”  _ He shouts, voice like a thunderclap in their bond. He pounds against the barrier, feeling the strange force seemingly only grow stronger.

Kayn’s eyes are wide. Not with fear but with rage. A perfect host. The  _ perfect  _ host. He stares at Rhaast with a fire in his eyes. Deep, unbridled, fury. 

And Rhaast knows that he’s lost this fight.

****

As lethargic it would be to choke Kayn to death, there is no point to it now. There was something he missed. Some key detail that he has overlooked. Rhaast releases Kayn and leaves him wheezing on the bed. He returns to his scythe and his body sinks into oblivion with the rest of the fantasy.

No body. It was not real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big oof. kayns all out of sorts. dont worry, he'll be back to normal soon enough. im worried im gonna forget one of the points im pushing lol. people are complicated. also rhaast is a fuck and kayn has no idea how sex works.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chap. :0 it's shorter than the last two, due to me being sick and working on other comms, but I really wanted to set up a bunch of important plot stuff that will be happening in the next chaps. also wanted to slow the pace a leetle. +raised the chapter limit. prolly gonna be more like 8 im guessing. could be more or less but idk.

They are at odds with each other. Rhaast has fallen two steps backwards with his unsuccessful fight. He stays away and sulks.

_ He’s missed something.  _ It became apparent the moment the wall grew stronger. He had laid the trap correctly. Lured Kayn in with a promise of something new. He’d seduced him, distracted him, and laid him to waste on his bed.

And when he’d thought that Kayn was vulnerable—

Rhaast had been mistaken.  

****

***

****

The next morning while Kayn is stretching, Zedd returns, two acolytes behind him. Rhaast doesn’t know their names and nor does he care. The day is gray.

“These—” Zed motions to one of the acolytes and he steps forward holding a small pouch. He dumps the contents onto his gloved palm. Silver bands clink gently as they fall against each other.

“These are what you described.”

Kayn does not get close to them. Even Rhaast, leaning against the wall, can see that they are the same bracelets that silenced his magic. It makes him uneasy. 

“Yes,” he confirms.

The other acolyte hefts a thin case. He opens it to reveal thin vials nestled snugly inside.

Noxian poison. He can feel Kayn’s mind recoil, even if he remains stock still.

Zed nods, noticing something in Kayn’s blank expression. “I will take these to be examined.” He raises his hand and the men behind him exit.

Kayn doesn’t say anything.

“And your sickness?” Zed asks once they’re alone. He sounds emotionless. Rhaast wonders how different things would be if Kayn had been raised differently. If Zed spoke with more than just ice.

“It’s passed,” Kayn reassures quickly. 

Zed tilts his head towards Rhaast. “Then you may resume your duties.”

He can see Kayn’s excitement in the way he pulls on his boots once Zed has left, half finished stretches forgotten. Rhaast is fine with it. Being bedridden for nearly five days is maddening. 

Kayn  _ almost  _ hesitates before he picks Rhaast up. Then his old fire burns through his unsurity. Rhaast surges through their bond, grateful for the chance to leave his oblivion and explore—Kayn. Because that’s what he has to do. He has to find the missing key to Kayn’s defenses.

****

“You’re eager,” Kayn teases as he walks to the courtyard. “Didn’t realize you missed me so much.”

Rhaast wonders if his confidence is really that strong. Can Kayn’s pride really let him disregard everything that happened yesterday? Perhaps not. 

_ “As if you aren’t. Waiting for your master’s call before you could even leave your room,”  _ he snaps back.

Kayn tosses his head haughtily. His braid swings against his back and Rhaast thinks.

****

The courtyard is alive with practicing acolytes. They find space in the middle because no matter where they go they will be stared at so Kayn might as well soak up the attention. There is no camaraderie with Kayn. He is too different from the rest of the Kinkou residents now. Rhaast prefers it that way.

_ “You’ve been bedridden for days,”  _ he mentions.  _ “They might see you as weaker.” _

“Their mistake,” Kayn snorts. He spins Rhaast easily, muscle memory keeping his movements as practiced as ever. 

The others eye them warily. Kayn looks mad no doubt. He’s partnered with a darkin. He is different. 

****

Kayn practices for a long time. Longer than he usually does, simply repeating the same stances over and over again. Rhaast quickly grows restless. He reaches into Kayn’s mind to start digging. He sorts through afternoons spent with Zed, twirling daggers and spinning a practice staff. A  _ weakness.  _ Something. Perhaps Zed, in his memories, will reveal something. 

He does not. In Kayn’s recollections Zed hardly talks at all.

Frustrated, Rhaast digs deeper. He finds a candlelit hall and feels the rush of ice cold panic as Kayn channels his shadow magic for the first time. That is useless to him. Deeper still, to the Epool river and his first steps on Ionian soil. He sees towering soldiers rush past him in a foggy haze, boots sinking into mud. Rabid desperation tears at Kayn’s heart. He is young but already alive with violent intent.

Deeper  _ still— _ it’s so hard to see now, as if the whole world is being seen through an unfocused lens. He  _ feels _ instead of hears the faraway name. Shieda Kayn.  _ Shieda. _ When was the last time the boy was called that? Noxian born with a Noxian name. Rhaast sifts through the foggy fragments of his early childhood. There is not much there. Not much left.

“Kayn.” 

The metallic voice of Zed pulls him back to the present. Kayn’s fingers twitch in surprise around Rhaast.

“Master,” he turns and dips his head in a bow.

Zed always looks the same, sharp metal and nothing else. There is a girl next to him, long hair and pale eyes. She looks like all the other residents at Kinkou. Jaded.

“You will return with Amao to the Noxian bunker at once.” Zed orders. “Lay a trap, Noxians have been sighted at the coast. They might return there.”

Rhaast does not want this girl to go with them. He would prefer to have Kayn’s full and undivided attention. He knows from the way Kayn’s mood sours that he agrees.

“Can’t I go alone?” He asks.

Zed’s back is already turned. “Are you ever alone?” He responds coldly. “You will go together. There may be many.”

Rhaast’s fiery wide eye glares at Amao. She does not look pleased with this turn of events. Neither does Kayn. 

****

***

****

The journey is accompanied by the setting sun. Amao trails just behind them, a short axe hooked on her waist as they depart down the mountains. Rhaast catches her staring many times as he’s balanced over Kayn’s shoulder. He doesn’t try to communicate with her. She might as well be faceless.

_ “We scare her.”  _ the acknowledgement gives him a tiny bit of satisfaction. All the same, he knows he used to do more.  _ One  _ simple human when it used to be an entire  _ land  _ that would quake in fear?

He wants his body.

“As if we shouldn’t?” Kayn asks, talking aloud in the twilight. Amao starts, eyes widening. 

_ “We don’t need her, you know that. Yet again you bow to Zed.” _

“Leave us to it,” Kayn snaps. 

Rhaast wants to poke at him more. He wants to rip away at his pride and expose the softness underneath. The weak smile as he was under him. A moment of sunlight. 

He thinks that maybe Kayn has only known frigid cold. In Zed and in the foggy bank of the Epool river. Raised with so much violence that comfort is alien to him. That must have been why he was so unsure when confronted by Rhaast’s fantasy. He doesn’t know how to respond to something like that. The compliments, the care, it makes sense that way. His confidence leaves when he faces the unknown.

At least something useful came out of combing through his memories.

“What is it like?”

Rhaast trains his red eye on Amao. Her hand is on the top of her axe, resting almost casually. The acolytes used to call Kayn  _ “brother.”  _ They’ve long since stopped that.

“What?” Kayn tilts his head but doesn’t stop walking. 

“What does it sound like?” Amao echoes. She jerks her chin towards Rhaast. “The—weapon.” Her voice shakes with fearful curiosity, just enough.

Kayn is quiet. Rhaast knows he’s waiting in case he decides to speak aloud. He will not. The twilight is too fragile and his voice will shatter it. 

“Not human,” Kayn finally supplies. 

“And are you human?” 

Kayn frowns. “Of course,” he answers coldly. 

Amao doesn’t ask any more questions. ****  
** **

***

****

The sun is gone when they arrive at the remains of the bunker. It is easy enough to find as long as they stay oriented by the river. Kayn stops at the rough hewn entrance, tucked into the hill. He pulls the door open and steps down the stairs. 

The stench of blood and oil and rot wafts up the stairs. It sets Rhaast alive again.

_ “Deeper,”  _ he rumbles, almost hungrily.  _ “Go further.”  _

Kayn remains at the top of the stairs for a second longer before he descends, taking the stairs two at a time. “So needy,” he teases. “Can’t control yourself?”

Rhaast doesn’t care about his attitude. It is easy enough to shut down. He shows Kayn a memory, the boy’s face twisted up in confused pleasure as he works him up with his fingers. 

_ “Needy,”  _ he repeats shrewdly.  _ “Like you were when I broke you in.” _

His rough words have the desired effect. Kayn nearly trips down the stairs. He would have toppled entirely were it not for Amao hastily grabbing the back of his cloth belt and bracing against the wall. He’s quick to recover and the girl is quick to let go.

“What happened?” She asks tersely. 

In the bond they share, Rhaast spies the shame and embarrassment and—anger—rolling off of Kayn in waves. Good.

“Nothing,” he snaps, in a voice that says he  _ doesn’t  _ want to talk about it.

“What did it say?”

Kayn turns to look at her. “Do you usually ask so many questions?”

Amao lapses into silence again. Rhaast wonders about Kayn as they finish descending the stairs.  _ Anger?  _ An interesting emotion. Maybe he had been reminded of the choking, the crushing grip around throat.

Tender betrayal always stings the most, Rhaast thinks. 

The stink of death grows worse as they continue past the first landing—where he’d stripped Stowe’s future away with his wicked blade—and on towards the bottom of the stairs. A body is there, rolled against the rough wall of the second landing.

A commander once. Now a failure. He still doesn’t think about why he did it.

“This is different,” Amao notices. She must have been part of the original group that had raided the bunker.

They quickly scour the rest of the hideout, stepping past Noxian bodies to explore. Rhaast does not know how much has changed since Kinkou’s last visit, but the bunker is effectively stripped clean. There is nothing. Not even weapons have been left on the soldiers. 

“We didn’t take this much,” Amao frowns. “They’ve already been here.”

Kayn toes a carcass with his boot. “There’s no reason for them to return again. We’ve come all this way for nothing.”

_ “Zed’s sentries failed to see them,”  _ Rhaast says shrewdly.  _ “Incompetent.” _

“They were sighted on the  _ coast,”  _ Kayn growls. He turns to Amao. “What a waste.”

She adjusts her simple ponytail, keeping it pristine. “We should return to Master Zed.”

_ “Follow the river west to the sea,”  _ Rhaast urges instead.  _ “I want to taste Noxian blood again.”  _

Kayn shakes his head slowly. “We have to go back.”

_ “Always Zed’s pet,”  _ he jabs. He wants to kill them. The death already in the room excites him.  _ “You and I both know that the Noxians will likely strike from the coast. Another invasion. Will you let them stamp you into the mud again?”  _

He can feel Kayn jerk in surprise. Rhaast will capitalize on that. Throw him further off balance.

_ “You really do like being told what to do.” _

Kayn’s aura blooms once more with now familiar emotions. His hand flies to the base of his throat and Rhaast  _ knows—  _

“I can’t wait to be rid of you,” Kayn hisses. He starts up the stairs, leaving Amao to trail behind as always. 

_ “I can’t wait to claim your body as my own,”  _ Rhaast replies viciously.  _ “You were crying for it earlier.”  _

He pushes further. Kayn’s pace quickens, stomping up the stairs now. He says nothing.

_ “Just let me inside. It’ll feel just as good as the first time.”  _ Sickly sweet.

The moon filters through the trees gently as they finally reach fresh air. Rhaast already misses the scent of death.

“You’ll have to do better than that,” Kayn finally whispers so that Amao can’t hear. The  _ perfect  _ host. Fighting back like he was born to do so. That’s why normal anger and rage won’t work on him, Rhaast realizes. Because Kayn fights fire with fire.

He rumbles in approval. Soon. He is closer at least. The corruption will spread. Breaking down Kayn’s wall is a slow process. But it will all be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if im the most happy with it, but I did need to set up some plotty things. also my damn cold wont go away so that never helps. >_>
> 
> comments/etc are super appreciated. let me know what you think and all that. tumblr is @shameforxx. suuuper overwatch themed but ill take asks about league no problem^^ im new to this fandom is all.
> 
>  see you in a week (or less!)
> 
> thankss


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey fair warning theres more sexii. tread lightly.
> 
>  
> 
> i wanna remind that rhaast and kayn are not inherently good people.
> 
> a storms brewin, bois.

They find Zed in the eastern hall. The trip back to Kinkou had been stormy at best and smothering at worst. Now Kayn’s mood rests like a black cloud. Rhaast savors it. He can pull Kayn’s strings easily enough now. All it takes is a gentle hand.

The smooth surface of his throat is still a bittersweet memory. Crushing, not killing. Kayn’s human fingers had traced the curve of his horns almost caringly.

The eastern hall is the smallest in Kinkou. It’s the hall of research. There, laid out on a table, are the stolen goods from the bunker. Zed himself is leaning over the cursed bands, another acolyte at his side. While Kayn delivers the disappointing news Rhaast looks at Amao. She looks back, fearful curiosity in her gaze.

“We should go to the coast and defend ourselves,” Kayn says.

“Wait,” Zed tips his head. “Two days to gather our forces.”

Rhaast is surprised. Kayn is too. His mood coils like lightning. “Since when do we shy from a chance to defend Ionia?”

“Do not question me,” Zed hisses. “You are too bloodthirsty now. The weapon’s influence is strong.”

Kayn falls silent but he grits his teeth. Rhaast can see it in the way his jaw moves.

“Use your head,” Kayn’s master scoffs. “They’re using new tactics. Ancient magic.” He plucks a silver bracelet up and holds it out to Kayn is his armored palm.

“Touch it.”

He feels Kayn’s hesitation, even as he obediently reaches for it. His fingertips graze the cold metal and Rhaast focuses through their connection this time. He is instantly uneasy. There is a dead pressure building up in the band. Something achingly familiar surrounds him.

 _“Off,”_ he snaps at Kayn. The boy jerks his fingers away instantly. Just in time. Rhaast had felt the power building up. Gathering menacingly. He’s sure that if they’d continued to be in contact then Kayn would’ve blacked out again like he had the first time. There is too much magic between them now.

And he’d felt—emotion surrounds him like a curse.

“It stops magic.” Zed sets the strange silver back on the table. “All but takes it.”

In their bond, Kayn nudges at him curiously. Rhaast doesn’t say anything but he knows. He understands what is at work.

Zed gestures at the vials of clear poison, arranged neatly on the table as well. “They are tampering with ancient powers.”

Rhaast peers closer at the vials, darkin eye seeing things differently. The Noxian poison radiates it’s own energy. It is the same sickly green aire that had once polluted Kayn’s mind. He knows where it comes from. It’s a hint at an older time.  

How has Noxus done this?

“Two days.” Zed is speaking to Amao as well now. “We are too scattered. Too days and we will split their bodies open.”

Kayn pokes at him again. Rhaast doesn’t answer him and, frustrated, he turns away. The storm cloud of his foul mood is stronger than ever. And still—

“Yes, Master.”  

Amao echoes his words as they leave.

****

Kayn will not let him be. Once they are away from prying ears, walking the corridors to his room, he pries.

“What is it?” His aura remains by him. Insistent.

Rhaast gives no response. He is strange. He’s sure if he had his body then he would have a headache. A rearing ugly pain, not just at the forefront of his head but instead rooted deep inside his memories. As it is, his whole mind is—off.

“It’s something you’re feeling,” Kayn persists. “You’re different.”

There is something in his voice that reminds Rhaast of his grip, steady fingers not letting go. A weak smile. The perfect host.

****

The holy name rumbles through his being. _“Shurima.”_

“Across the sea?”

He doesn’t show Kayn full memories. Just fragments. There is not much left from that time.

The feeling of wind whipping across sand, watching the breeze tear into the desert like ocean waves. The sun disc too, gleaming so bright with the sunset. His weapon feels right. It had felt so right. Rhaast misses it. His body. Millenia has passed and still misses it. It aches like nothing else.

Kayn’s mind crowds closer, surrounding him like Rhaast has done to him many times. Offering comfort perhaps. Rhaast’s memories, though fleeting, are strong. He can see Kayn’s mood has finally shifted too. From frustration into something more melancholy.

“Show me,” Kayn mutters. Always _pushing,_ Rhaast bitterly notes. He lets him see then.

The void is an unimaginable force. A clawing tide of nothingness. Even now Rhaast cannot fully wrap his mind around it. His understanding is probably better than most, with the hellish prison he’s trapped in, but still. The void remains.

 _“Human minds are easily shattered,”_ he comments dully.

The void’s hunger is not something he forgets. It exists in his mind even now, the details never quite fading. Rhaast shares the feeling of knowing that you are battling something impossible. Something devouring existence itself. He shares the strange horrors and beasts destroying their armies. Unspeakable monsters. He allows Kayn to glimpse the dread of knowing that no matter what happens, everything is creeping closer to an end. The void will keep expanding and expanding until nothing is left and the battle is useless, even after winning because—

After seeing the void, after waging a conquest against _that—_

They may have been gods, but their minds still belonged to men.

Kayn presses tighter around him.

And even now the oblivion continues. Snuffing out magic in the bracelets. Shuriman power in the poison too. Rhaast doesn’t understand how they have managed to use it. The Noxians are tampering with things they do not understand. Rhaast would release his wrath if he had his form. He’d let his weapon speak for him. He would show them.

   

But instead he is trapped. Once feared by the entire land—now the world continues without him.

“You feel different,” Kayn repeats quietly. He sounds a little shaken.

For a moment Rhaast is still. No one talks to a darkin like that. Too close. He withdraws, pulling away from Kayn back into the recesses of himself.

To lick his wounds.

****

***

****

Rhaast sulks for a long time. He relives memory after memory—the glories of battle and the confidence of caving human heads in—until they are too painful to remember. Then he does nothing but remain.

He doesn’t think about Shurima again.

****

Eventually, Rhaast is drawn back into the world. Kayn’s emotions are quiet. It is late now and the sun has long been gone. He wonders if the boy is asleep, reaching through their bond to find out. Instead he finds something else. The color of shame and unsurity.

Kayn is curled on his side on his bed, breath stuttering and secret. Rhaast knows what he's doing. His interest is piqued. Another chance to needle Kayn.

 _“How shameful,”_ he purrs.

Kayn jolts. His mind radiates his ashamed anger at being caught. Rhaast is delighted because Kayn is so _new_ at this. It is easy to lead him when the human doesn’t know where he’s going in the first place. And pleasure is a welcome distraction.

 _“What are you thinking about?”_ Rhaast slips into the forefront his mind, just enough to see Kayn’s aura. _“Did our time together leave you wanting more?”_

Kayn shakes his head, hand still curled around himself. Rhaast entertains his own thoughts. The idea of Kayn strung out below him is not something he’s opposed to repeating.

“You tried to kill me,” Kayn finally bites out.

 _“I didn’t, did I?”_ Rhaast asks. _“It’s not like I could physically kill you in your mind. Not yet.”_

Kayn is silent. His anger is still there.

 _“You’re really bitter about that?”_ Rhaast laughs. _“If you want I’ll make up for it. I can show you a good time again.”_ He pauses. _“Or perhaps you’re angry because you let a darkin fuck you for your first, and you enjoyed it.”_

He can’t tell if Kayn realizes that he’s creeping closer. Rhaast watches his being slowly inch towards him, away from the safety of his own mind.

“That—” Kayn sputters weakly. “That wasn’t real.”

 _“In the end, nothing is real.”_ Rhaast croons. _“It still felt good, didn’t it? Being stuffed full of my cock?”_ He picks his words carefully. Drawing Kayn is is easier this time but one wrong word and he might retreat still.

Kayn’s breath hitches. Rhaast’s mood is nearly gleeful.

_“Even now you love it. How—interesting. Do you want me to tell you what to do? Make things easier?”_

He is hyper aware, even leaned against the wall, that Kayn is still touching himself. The strangeness of this situation is lost on him. Pleasure is like a sharp blade, cutting through Rhaast’s emotions and leaving him hungry. He wants to see where this goes.

 _“Don’t use your hand,”_ he tells him. So close now, the edges of their auras nearly blending together. _“Use mine, Shieda.”_

Kayn _whimpers._ The smallest sound catching in his throat. He switches to using his corrupted hand, movements unsure and curious.

 _“That’s it,”_ Rhaast . _“No one calls you Shieda, do they?”_

“No—” Kayn pants. He is rutting against his own palm. “Rhaast don’t—”

 _“Don’t what? Stop?”_ Rhaast cuts him off. _“You’re getting off to this. How filthy.”_ He lowers his voice so it’s a growl, tremoring with heat. _“If things were different I would keep you on my cock until you were no longer ashamed to let the world know who you belonged to.”_

Kayn groans, movement becoming more frantic.

 _“I may not own your mind yet,”_ Rhaast continues. _“But we both know I already own your body, Shieda.”_ That name again. It causes a strange feeling. It tilts their already close interactions towards something more… intimate.

It must be the same for Kayn too. He groans again, muffled against his bed as he comes. Rhaast feels pleasure as well but it is different. He doesn’t have a body, not even a mental one this time. Instead it’s more like satisfaction. The knowledge that he is that much closer to his goal.

Kayn’s soul stays close, brimming with tiredness. It’s similar, Rhaast thinks, to the first time immediately after, where Shieda had treated him as if he was human.

****

He is not human. Kayn would be an idiot to think that.

****

***

****

It is very, _very_ late when Rhaast becomes aware that something is wrong. Sleep is not something he experiences in this state, but mindlessness is an easy mentality to achieve. The room is quiet, Kayn is definitely asleep, quiet breathing accompanying his still form on the bed.

The girl, Amao, is not. He can hear her as well. His eye snaps open, rearing it’s fire red. She freezes, outstretched hand so close to touching him. She’s in her full gear, clearly some sort of plan in place.

_“Shieda!”_

Instantly, Kayn is on his feet. He knocks Amao away and she trips over the low table and falls against the wall. Kayn is quick to shake the sleep from his eyes with a toss of his head.

“What are you doing?” He snarls, the perfect rage.

Amao’s chest heaves. She stands up straight. “I wanted to hear it.”

Kayn stares at her, accusing. “So you would come in the middle of the night? You wanted to take _him_.”

“Him,” Amao repeats. “I—” Her mouth twitches into a grimace. “I came to steal it. Him,” she admits. “My—family lives in the coastal provinces. I wanted to talk to it.”

“Do you know what would happen if you touched him?” Kayn hisses.

“I—I wanted the power to protect my family—”

“You’re not _worthy,”_ Kayn cuts her off, voice soft and dangerous. “Your soul would be eaten, you body reduced to nothing more than a husk.”

Rhaast watches her. She trembles once, eyes wide. Kayn is right. She is not worthy and wouldn’t last long. Wanting power for others is _weak._ Kayn is different in that he wants to use Rhaast’s strength for himself.

“I’m—sorry,” Amao finally says. “I’ve made a mistake. You follow Master Zed but if the Noxians invade it will be too late. I wanted to protect them.”

Kayn snatches an old kunai off of his shelf and throws it. It buries itself into the wall right by Amao’s head as a warning. Her hand immediately flies to the hand axe ready on her belt. Before she can raise it completely, Kayn darts across the room and swiftly punches her in the stomach. Rhaast knows the spot. The blow would be incapacitating. Amao slumps instantly, sliding to the ground.

Kayn takes a step back. Anger still evident in the rigidness of his stance. “You’re not worthy,” he repeats venomously. She doesn’t reply, locked in pain.

****

Rhaast can’t resist the chance to poke. _“To think that she would have tried because you ‘follow Zed’ like a servant.”_

Kayn huffs in anger. He grabs his travel bag from where it must have fallen onto the floor and pulls on his boots. Amao remains on the floor. Luckily alive.

They leave Kinkou Monastary before the sun has even risen.

****

***

   

For the first few hours Kayn is quiet and Rhaast lets him be. He is surprised that Kayn has finally disobeyed Zed and he waits until they’ve traveled too far to go back before speaking up.

_“You’ve finally gone off your leash.”_

Kayn snorts. He leans against one of the towering trees and pulls his waterskin from the bag on his belt. “Always bringing that up. Like you’re obsessed.”

 _“I would bring up other things instead, but you’re too shy.”_ Rhaast is in a good mood. They are on their way. If and when the Noxians invade he will get to taste blood again.

Kayn puts the waterskin away, face pink.

_“Not going to grace me with an answer?”_

“You like it just as much as I do,” Kayn says finally.

 _"_ _Oh yes,”_ Rhaast laughs. Raspy and nonhuman. _“But you’re the one that shouldn’t like it at all.”_

Kayn stumbles for barely a moment over a rock. The forest is very slowly thinning out into plains. They are taking a direct path to the coast now. It will not be a day journey, Rhaast thinks.

“Be grateful I don’t just leave you to suffer alone.”

Rhaast laughs again. _“You want my strength too much to do that.”_

“And you want my own.”

They lapse into silence again for a while longer. Rhaast spends some time thinking by himself. Kayn is not wrong. Commander Stowe is proof of that. The fantasy is proof of that.

Rhaast spends so much time by himself.

****

When Kayn finally empties the last contents of his waterskin onto the grass they are half a day from Kinkou.

“I’ll need to refill this,” Kayn mutters, drawing Rhaast’s attention from himself to the human.

He would ask why he’s dumped the rest of their precious water but he knows the answer as soon as he focuses back on Kayn. His mind doesn’t feel right. It feels nearly the same as it did in the dark of the Noxian cell. The boy sways on his feet.

 _“How much have you drank?”_ Rhaast asks urgently. He should have been paying _attention._ He could have figured out what was happening earlier. He could have detected the ancient magic.

“Amao…” Kayn leans heavily against a tree. “She must have laced it.”

It’s the only answer. His travel bag had been misplaced after all. A half hearted attempt at murder perhaps. Or a tactic to keep Kayn from immediately following after her once she took Rhaast. Foul.

This time they are _very_ far from Kinkou.

 _“How much did you drink?”_ Rhaast repeats. _“Sit down,”_ he tells him.

Kayn slowly slips to the ground but Rhaast can’t tell if it’s on purpose or if his body is acting up. His knuckles are white from how hard he grips Rhaast.

“Enough,” he answers shakily.

The darkin finds Kayn in their bond. His soul flickers, green sickness coiling around him. _Shuriman._ Rhaast doesn’t understand. He quickly surrounds Kayn in their all too familiar show of comfort. The poison is not as concentrated because it must have been diluted in water, but as Kayn said, it’s enough.

 _“Can you throw up?”_ He tries to coax him. _“Force some out.”_

Kayn hums airily. “Don’t feel great.” He murmurs. The final traces of lucidity are finally leaving him, it seems. He slumps against the tree.

It’s not a good situation. They are at the edge of the forest, a fair distance from civilization, on a hastily planned journey with limited supplies.

 _“Never mind, just rest,”_ Rhaast decides, watching Kayn’s aura. _“It will work it’s way through your system.”_

Kayn hums again. It isn’t ideal, but they don’t have a lot of options. The Noxian poison. The _ascended_ poison. It disables Kayn so easily.

 _“I will keep watch,”_ Rhaast reassures him. It’s easy to soothe him now, and Kayn responds so well to it. _“Just wait for it to pass. Rest.”_

He gets a flicker of acknowledgement as answer. Rhaast hopes it will pass quickly. They are in danger and he’s not sure that Kayn would be able to do something if they were attacked.

Kayn stays close to him, even in his drugged stupor. Rhaast listens to his breathing and thinks. Always thinking.

 ****  
  
And so they are alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay title inclusion and rhaast development! writing their relationship is so complicated. they're both simultaneously so one dimensional AND complicated so trying to write their developing characters/relationship is hard because you don't want to change the character to the point where they're unrecognizable, but you also want to write actual change. its like... whyyy. 
> 
> she got blapped in the solar plexus btw. not a fun place to get socked but also a great way to keep someone down for a while. 
> 
> also there's so many threads I have to keep track of so hopefully Im doing a good job of it! looping everything together so that it makes sense is hard. 
> 
> see you next week! (or before). feel free to let me know any questions or comments, I do my best to reply when I can. :) kinda blown away by how many people like this. its a rare pair so I really didn't expect much.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which one person tries to deal with emotions, and another person refuses to deal with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOTS OF NOTES (even more at the end)
> 
> sorry this is so late! this is a big chapter (characterwise) so it took me longer to write. also just been feeling not so hot, but that's besides the point. this chapter's got LOTS of character stuff. it took me a bit to get it to sound exactly how I wanted it to. sorry again for the wait!
> 
> also, i edited the last chapter. it wasnt as refined as i wanted it to be and there were some annoying issues. hopefully its better now. i also added a couple more sentences and stuff here and there so reread that chapter if you really want to. :p

The man called Yasuo finds them as it’s getting dark. Initially, Rhaast does not know him, so when he approaches, a careful hand on a careful blade, he naturally tries to rouse Kayn. The boy has been still—meditative almost—for hours and Rhaast does not understand. Maybe the poison had been more concentrated than they’d initially thought.

He does not recognize this man, weaving slowly between trees towards them. He is not of Kinkou.

 _“Kayn.”_ He lets his eye fall nearly shut, still watching the man walk nearer. They are not in a position to fight. Rhaast must be careful.

Kayn shifts, a murmur escaping him. Something like _“Rhaast,”_ perhaps. The green sickness circling around him has somewhat faded, but clearly it is still affecting him.

 _“We are in danger,”_ Rhaast continues. _“Get up. Channel your magic, we must escape.”_

There’s more movement now. Kayn draws in one shaky breath. “Right,” he mutters, sounding not quite there.

 _“Hurry,”_ Rhaast encourages. He keeps frustration out of his tone, even as he watches the man get steadily closer, anger isn’t as effective. Especially now that Kayn has tasted sweet words instead.

With a tired huff, Kayn braces himself against the sturdy trunk at his back and uses Rhaast as a support to practically pull himself up.

The man’s pace quickens. His hand flying to the hilt of the long sword on his waist. With his evil eye Rhaast sees Ionia’s magic—the magic that despises Kayn—wrap around this stranger like a tornado.

_“Hurry!”_

Kayn turns to escape. To channel his magic and disappear into the shadows. Instead the darkness warps and flinch. He falls to his hands and knees and for one _terrifying_ moment Rhaast cannot see anything as Kayn fumbles. The poison still weakens their bond so greatly. Then Shieda is thankfully touching him again. He keeps his eye open just enough to see—

The man stops a few paces away from them. He draws his thin blade and points it at Kayn.

“Stay down,” he says as a warning. Rhaast wonders if they will die. His perfect vessel.

Kayn takes his words as an opportunity to collapse flat on his stomach. He groans. “Just—go away...”

The swordsman stares at the boy. He looks at Rhaast too, immobile on his own without Kayn. Rhaast can see the tired wariness in his gaze. This human does not recognize who he is. For a moment he thinks about opening his eye wide and speaking aloud. He might be able to lure in this stranger with a promise of power. But there is too much comfort in the way he grips his weapon. Rhaast can recognize it when he sees it. It had been the same with his own scythe. So he holds his voice inside.

The blade slowly lowers towards the ground and the man sighs.

“You’re a sad sight.”

****

***

****

A small campfire is their only respite from the season’s growing chill. Kayn lays on the ground for a while before he gets to his feet again, shivering slightly from the cold and watching as the stranger quickly puts together a small fire just past the treeline.

They are cautious. Even with a fair distance between them, the man does not take his eyes off of Kayn and Rhaast. He watches from the other side of the small blaze.

As much as he would like to, Rhaast doesn’t think Kayn can fight this man. Not in his current state.

So, like a moth to light, Kayn creeps closer. Not too close, but close enough to feel the heat. He sits down heavily in the grass and tips his head back to look at the stars slowly beginning to appear. The boy tosses his head, as if he can shake the last vestiges of poison from his mind.

“You’re from the monastery,” the stranger asks. “Aren’t you?”

They are instantly more alert. Kayn looks back at him, movement still unbalanced and strange. His fingers are tight around Rhaast.

“What of it?” His voice cracks miserably. At any other time Rhaast would laugh at him for it, but now he is wary. They are at a disadvantage.

The man looks at him thoughtfully. He unhooks a waterskin from his belt and pitches it around the fire. Kayn barely manages to catch it.

“Drink.”

Rhaast knows that if the man really wanted them dead, Shieda would already be lying on the forest floor. Kayn hastily uncaps it and drinks, also at the same conclusion. Their window for death has passed.

“Thanks.” He mutters, voice smoother but still not quite how it usually is.

“I thought you might have been dead,” the stranger notes.

Kayn doesn’t answer. Rhaast hones in on him and knows that Kayn’s head hurts. If he focuses hard enough he can feel a phantom pain echo through his own mind.

 _“How clear is your mind?”_ He asks. He will not go too close to find out.

“Clear enough,” Kayn answers quietly, still with that strange tone. His mind has colored with something new. Anxiety. It clouds over his mind like ink in water. Rhaast’s not sure he’s ever seen Kayn anxious. His soul reaches for Rhaast but even surrounding Kayn, Rhaast does not let their auras touch. In fact, he eases away, leaving Kayn sending him his emotions like a question.

“The poison didn’t stop you before…” He murmurs, referring to the agonizing escape back to Kinkou.

Rhaast remains apart. He doesn’t tell Kayn that Shurima is now too raw. That some memories seem to only get _more_ painful as time goes on.

“So,” The stranger speaks up again, dark eyes trained on the both of them. “Why did I find a Kinkou shadow in such a state.”

Kayn shifts his attention back to the man. “Who—are you?” His voice tips into something halting for a moment. His strange, nervous aura reaches out for Rhaast one more time to no avail.

The stranger’s face twists into something conflicted. Nearly unreadable except for the guilt in his eyes. “Yasuo.” He says, resigned. “And you?”

Rhaast does not recognize the name, but it’s clear that Kayn does. He leans forward. “The murderer?”

Yasuo looks away. “Finally proven innocent. Of that at least.” he doesn’t sound like he entirely believes it. “I don’t think you can say the same, can you?” He nods at Kayn’s left side, where Rhaast’s corruption creeps across his body like a morning fog.

“And what of it?” Kayn challenges again, voice stronger this time.

Yasuo pulls a medium flask off his belt, clearly not water. He takes a short drink and the wind tugs at his already wild hair. “What dark magic have you danced with? To look like that?”

Kayn draws in one shaking breath. “Means to an end,” he sighs.

The boy is normally so sure and confident. Arrogant and sometimes cruel, just how Rhaast likes it. The perfect host. This new feeling in Kayn’s mind—it reminds Rhaast that he is horribly human.

****

Yasuo lets them be. He stays sprawled out on the other side of the campfire, drinking lazily from his flask. Kayn sits cross legged across from him in the crisp grass. Rhaast knows his headache is slowly lessening along with the Shuriman drug. At the same time this anxiety is new to him. Just one more hurdle to leap over as he conquers Kayn.

 _“Shieda.”_ he offers the name as a comfort. It’s a odd name, he thinks. Something sly but also… warm. Not entirely fitting. _Kayn_ is a fine name, a dangerous name. _Shieda_ reminds him of his _other_ side. Pale legs hooked around his hips and soft skin against his hard edges.

“Rhaast,” Kayn says back, sounding almost helpless. His soul stretches out for him again and when Rhaast still does not get closer his mind colors even further with nerves.

 _“A lethal assassin overcome by panic.”_ Rhaast chides. _“Pathetic.”_

“What are you _afraid_ of?”

The question is almost accusing—always fighting fire with fire—and for a moment it throws Rhaast off guard. He does not know exactly what Kayn means. If it’s a literal question then the endless nothingness of his prison is eerily reminiscent of the void. He does not think about that. He does not think about Stowe either. Or maybe Kayn is referring to why Rhaast will not touch him. Because Kayn, no matter the increasing lucidity, is still echoing with the ascended magic. And he will _not_ think about—

“Have you heard?” Yasuo speaks up again, voice loosened from the contents of his flask. “There’s rumors that the lost city has risen.”

   

He immediately rejects it. The idea that Shurima has risen from the sands. It is a dead city. It _cannot_ be back.

But, it would make sense. The _poison._ How else would Noxians have ascended magic woven into their potions. It simply cannot be possible without the return of Shurima.

“Rumors,” Kayn responds dismissively.

“Maybe so,” Yasuo stares into the fire. His right hand rests idly on the hilt of his sword. “But there is usually a thread of truth inside a rumor.” He looks up at Kayn again. “There’s other gossip too. An assassin from Kinkou who wanders through walls like a shadow.”

Before Rhaast has the chance to stop him, Kayn barks a strained laugh. “I have a reputation.” It’s easy bait. Kayn is dangerously prideful.

The wind picks up and the campfire smoke curls eerily.

“You’re the Shadow Reaper.”

 _“Don’t tell him anything!”_ Rhaast hisses at him. But now Kayn doesn’t listen, anxiety or rebellion or something else.

“I’m glad you’ve heard of me.” Kayn smiles, weak and spacey but still proud. “The Order of Shadow’s finest.”

 _“He can kill you now without guilt,”_ Rhaast snarls. _“Idiot boy! You are not well!”_

“I don’t care,” Kayn snaps.

Yasuo raises an eyebrow. “The stories never mentioned how unhinged you are,” He mentions dryly.

Kayn’s hands twist across Rhaast. “Leave us to it.”

Yasuo looks at them but doesn't say anything more.

_“Think before you speak. Your pride will be the end of you.”_

“What _is this?”_ Kayn’s quiet voice breaks. Petulant anger giving out in favor of his strange mood.

Rhaast doesn’t know how to react. He sees the boy’s soul shrink, flickering and fluctuating so rapidly. He knows Yasuo is looking too, watching them and listening to a one sided conversation. He is not in the mood to deal with it.

 _“You are such an unruly thing, Shieda.”_ Rhaast voices his displeasure. _“Do it then, tell me your troubles. Let the wind hear it.”_

****

It’s Kayn that does it this time. Steers their connection into something more—real. Rhaast is surprised to feel the space in their bond like a floor beneath his feet. He’s taking form, slowly materializing like that first night where he had taught Kayn pleasure.

 _“Finally making a wise choice,”_ he jibes. Yasuo will not be able to hear them when they are like this. Usually Kayn must talk aloud to answer him, but when they are internalized they can speak freely.

Kayn makes a noise like a sob. He’s slow to take shape, and when he finally does he is different from Rhaast’s fantasy. Dark marks pattern his body and his hair drapes, already loose, down his back. He’s trembling, and this time when he reaches for Rhaast, he can _see_ it, the way his hand falls when he realizes they are too far apart.

“What are you afraid of?” Kayn asks. “You’re a darkin and you’re scared of going near me.”

There is nothing else in their bond with them. Just the floor beneath them, smooth as glass. Nothingness clouds around them too, but they are the only ones existing in this world.

 _“That you would even look to a darkin for comfort is pathetic in itself,”_ Rhaast scoffs. _“I guess Zed didn’t care about you enough, did he?”_

Kayn shakes his head and his body wavers like the air right above a candle. He slips to his knees and presses a hand against his brow. Rhaast is suddenly aware that this is it. This is an opportunity for him. This could be the way for him to get what he wants.

“You didn’t answer me,” Kayn’s sounds strained. “What are you _afraid_ of? The poison’s practically run it’s course. Can’t you just—” His voice breaks again.

Rhaast stays silent.

“There you go again, always quiet or sulking,” Kayn sighs. “You showed me.” He looks down and a few strands of hair falls in front of his face like a curtain. “I saw what you saw.”

His voice quakes and Rhaast is once again reminded of how—human—he is. Human minds are easily shattered, that’s what he had said. Perhaps that is the source of Kayn’s newfound anxiety. Showing him the terrors of the void had to have an effect. He takes a step closer because the terrifying nothingness is something that he understands.

“And _Shurima,”_ Kayn says the name with newfound disgust. “You’re a _coward._ Afraid of a city. _”_

Rhaast does get nearer now, even though he does not want to and he _knows_ Kayn is baiting him. He is not a coward. He stops next to Kayn and locks a hand around his arm, yanking him to his feet. Now is his time. He can have it.

 _“Your mind is too inexperienced to understand.”_ He digs his sharp fingers into Kayn’s arm. _“You know nothing of real magic or battle. Or pleasure.”_ His other hand curves against the boy’s face, his thumb pressing against his bottom lip.

Kayn turns his head away. He let’s Rhaast feel his emotions. The sudden unsurety after disobeying Zed for the first time, the confusion about their situation, and the terrifying memories of the void. It all comes together as freezing anxiety. Kayn doesn’t know what to do anymore. His normally rigid conviction is weak because—

Kayn suddenly pulls out of his grasp and his connection is cut off, an odd move considering how much he had clamored for Rhaast’s touch earlier. The emotional touch leaves Rhaast feeling solemn. This is the turning point.

 _“I can take your trouble away,”_ Rhaast offers. _“Make you feel good again.”_

Kayn looks back up at him. He touches his throat. “You want my body.”

 _“No,”_ he tries, sweetly. So _sweetly_ for Kayn. _“Shieda I want to take your pain away.”_

The unfitting name is like a collar. Kayn moves into his space again, so close this time. Lured in with sweet talk.

Rhaast curves an arm around Kayn’s waist. _“That’s it. What a good boy.”_

He slowly eases down to sit on the ground, bringing Shieda with him. Then he braces himself against the floor with one hand to remain steady as he pulls Kayn into his lap.

 _“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”_ he asks. _“For me to hold you like this?”_

Shieda tucks his head under Rhaast’s chin. He shivers once.

 _“Let me in,”_ Rhaast whispers. _“Let me feel you.”_

Kayn sighs. “You just want my body.” He does not sound certain. That is Rhaast’s chance. The anxiety has clearly stripped Kayn of his judgement and understanding of what’s going on. All of Rhaast’s patient work is finally paying off in this perfect moment.

 _“No,”_ he reassures. _“I want you to feel good. You’re too nervous now. I can ease your worries. Make it all disappear.”_

Kayn presses his hand against Rhaast’s chest.

 _“Shieda, submit,”_ Rhaast lets out the final lure in his carefully built trap. _“Let your wall down. I’ll take all your pain. You won’t have to know the fear of the void.”_

The boy buries his face against Rhaast’s neck, arms wrapping tight around him. He shivers again. Rhaast returns the embrace, feeling the rigid bumps of Kayn’s spine against his palm. He has it.

“You know, I can feel your moods too,” Kayn admits quietly against his neck. “You’re more human than you realize.”

The comment confuses Rhaast a little. He is not deterred however. _“Shieda—”_ he starts.

Kayn pulls back and looks at him. _No one_ looks at a darkin in that way. “Rhaast, what is this?” He asks. “You don’t even realize how much you want me.”

****

He is off balance. _“What?”_

“You’re not the center of the universe.” Kayn’s fingers glide along the edge of his jaw hesitantly. “I’ve had time to think on my own. What are we _doing_ Rhaast?”

The darkin does not have time to respond before Shieda speaks again.

“We like each other too much to fight.” He whispers it like a death sentence, anxiety suddenly melting into a dismal calm.

There is no truth in the boy’s words. There _cannot be._ Rhaast does not want Kayn like _that._ He only wants his form. The perfect host for him to use. He grips Kayn’s arms, trapping him in his sharp grasp.

_“You’re lying.”_

Kayn looks at him miserably. “You don’t just want my body. You want _me_.”

 _“You are—nothing to me!”_ Rhaast shakes him furiously, rage overtaking, destroying the chances of his plan working. How _dare_ this _human_ insinuate such things.

An angry tear traces it’s way down Kayn’s cheek. He tries to free his arms but Rhaast does not let him go. “You’re the one that’s lying.” He tells him. “You were human once.”

_“Once—”_

“ _Once_ is enough,” Kayn tries to rub his cheek against his shoulder. “Rhaast, think about—”

Rhaast throws him to the floor. His head knocks into the ground with a vicious crack. The darkin stands, seething with desperate fury.

 _“Let me in,”_ he commands.

Kayn remains on the ground, clutching his head. “I can’t. We—I told you Rhaast—” He rasps. “We like each other too much—”

He delivers a heavy kick into Kayn’s side. _“You are nothing!”_

Shieda wheezes in pain. Rhaast has had _enough._ He grabs Kayn’s wrist and drags his body behind him as he storms into the human’s mind.

 _“We like each other?”_ He taunts cruelly. _“We? So you’ve gone and fallen for a darkin?”_

Kayn whines. He sends Rhaast a memory. Commander Stowe, separated by rigid iron bars.

 _“I could be your host,”_ he says, voice hazy.

“Why did you kill him?” Kayn asks weakly.

 _“I don’t need reasons to kill who I please,”_ Rhaast snarls. He doesn’t want to listen to this. He only wants to find the wall.

“You’re afraid,” Shieda presses, huffing with pain. “You’re—still scared, I can feel it. Just _think_ about it!”

Another memory now, this time blurry and edged with hurt. Those _looks_ that Kayn sends him. Rhaast sees the way he retreats whenever Kayn has the _look._ The feeling of complete warmth when Rhaast curls around him. The strange safety that the boy feels.

He forces the memories away. A being of war and death. That’s what he is. A darkin does not feel things like _this._ It’s too human. And where is the _wall?_ They should have surely run into it by now.

 _“You don’t know anything!”_ Rhaast howls. _“You are young and inexperienced. I was manipulating you to lower your defenses!”_

The strange barrier finally shows up, an imposing dark force. The only thing keeping him from his form—he does _not_ think about Stowe—and his freedom.

“Coward,” Kayn croaks behind him.

Rhaast roars, anger a relentless frenzy. He stoops down and wraps his hand around Kayn’s throat, yanking him upright to pin him against the wall.

 _“I was using you.”_ He shouts, voice like a thunderclap. _“You are nothing and you will always be nothing. A soul for me to devour. Controlling you became so easy once I realized you would eat sweet words like sugar cubes._

Shieda’s eyes are glassy. He pries at Rhaast’s fingers, finally sucking in a breath when his grip relents.

“It worked.” Another angry tear trickles down his face.

_“Put your wall down.”_

Kayn looks down bitterly. “At least I’m not in denial.”

He grabs Kayn’s chin and forces his head back up to look at him. He’s _here._ Rhaast is at the end. He can have what he’s waited so long for.

 _“You want me?”_ He forces his voice into something more gentle. _“Do you love me, Shieda?”_

The human stares at him, unsteady tears dripping off of his nose. _This_ is the way a darkin should be looked at, Rhaast decides. With hurt and sadness and fear.

 _“The suffering must be unimaginable, am I your first?”_ He whispers. _“If you care about me, then let me in.”_

Kayn’s breathing stutters.

 _“Lower your defenses,”_ Rhaast continues. _“I’ll take your pain away. Let me through.”_

Kayn raises a hand. He lifts it to his face, almost to wipe the tears away, before he lets his arm drop, defeated.

****

“I—I already have,” Shieda sounds dead. He sounds immeasurably tired. “Rhaast—I’m not the one keeping you here.”  

****

Rhaast does not know what he means at first. And once he realizes what he means, he does not believe it. He _refuses_ to believe it. It is not _possible. He_ cannot be the one that is keeping himself from his goal.

Rhaast roars. He chokes Kayn again. This time he does not let go. He does not let go even as Kayn squirms and tries to get free. He does not let go until Kayn has gone still, and even then it does not give him the same satisfaction as it once did to strangle someone. This is just an apparition. Kayn is still alive. The _wall_ is still up.

It cannot be his doing. He does not care for anything except war.

 _“Coward,”_ he can practically hear Kayn whispering.

   

He tries to force his way through the barrier for a long time. Until it is treacherously clear that his mistake has finally revealed itself.

****

For all his millenia of existing, he does not know himself as well as he thinks.

****

Kayn is right. It is him. Rhaast has somehow caught himself in his own trap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> +1 Yasuo for plot development.
> 
> OOF this was kinda hard to write. yasuo is also difficult because he is just so... mellow and aloof. like rereading his stories and trying to copy his personality... he's kinda a weird boi. it's hard to capture his character when he doesn't reveal much.
> 
>  
> 
> anyway, thanks so much for bearing with me with the extra long wait. it is a bit of a longer chapter at least to make up for it. will do my best to get this next chapter done within a week. thank you so much for all the comments, it means so much to me! 
> 
> im going to drop a ton of notes on this chapter specifically below the line, so if you're not interested in that, thank you for reading! otherwise enjoy some insight into my characterization of kayn and rhaast. kayn especially, since this whole fic is from rhaast's pov.
> 
> \-----------
> 
> so rhaast is an unreliable narrator throughout this entire fic, and it's most obvious in this chapter. he is the center of his own universe. except kayn is not some random tiny planet orbiting around rhaast. kayn is his own character. technically he's fighting rhaast for control too. (though that's NOT heavily focused in this fic). so he proves rhaast (the unreliable narrator) wrong. kayn didn't want to like rhaast like this at all. but kayn finds it happening. and he doesn't really realize it until it's too late cause kayn realizes in this chapter that he likes rhaast and vice versa. 
> 
> and it's weird, cause kayn's convictions are something that also makes him such a good host/match for rhaast. he is confident and sure. like, he knows what he wants and he goes for it. he WILL surpass zed one day, and he WILL become super powerful, he WILL beat Rhaast. except this realization that he kinda likes him throws a big wrench in the works. suddenly he's not sure what he's doing. he's never dealt with feelings like this before, an unfortunate attachment. add this to the sudden disobeying of Zed's direct orders... well he's kinda a mess in this chapter. cue the anxiety. those tears at the end aren't even out of sadness. he does not WANT to like rhaast. it just sort of happened and he's super bitter about it. the difference between him and rhaast is that kayn accepts it first in an attempt to get over it. (in fact the few parts of their chapter where kayn is initially soft towards rhaast [reaching for him/resting against him] is an attempt to try extra accepting his feelings. a 'romance works like this so i should do this, right?' type of thing) it does not work. their relationship is obviously not typical, and even so, kayn does not want to like rhaast. 
> 
> and rhaast doesn't realize he likes kayn.
> 
> i say "like" by the way because i dont think it's love. not yet anyway. rhaast uses the words love but it's more of a taunting thing and only proves that rhaast doesn't really get it either. it's slow burn after all, these things don't happen overnight. 
> 
> so meanwhile i can finally reinforce the idea of rhaast, this centuries old darkin, avoiding the things he should really be thinking about like a fucking idiot. throughout this entire fic he's slowly been shelving and avoiding things. stowe being the big one, along with the looks that kayn gives him, the void, and shurima. some of this is understandable, like the trauma of fighting the void, or SOME bitter memories from shurima, but other things, like him not really understanding the reason he killed stowe is definitely something that bites him in the back. he's been the narrator this whole time and, let's be real, he's pretty selfish and self centered. he is blinded by his own status as a darkin to believe that he could be upended by a human. he treats the whole reveal as kayn wanting to fall in love with him and punishes him accordingly, when it's kinda(?) clear that kayn did not want this either. he thinks about just his own pain and not the pain that kayn is in because of the situation as well. (he does acknowledge it at the very end, but that's because he only wants to use it as a shallow way to take control of kayn)
> 
> he's also, as kayn mentioned, more human than he believes. darkin were ascended of course. and ascended were, long ago, humans. rhaast has the mind of a human, even if it's warped by time and trauma. 
> 
> also, a yasuo note, i know he gave a fake name with taliyah, but this is set after he gets his name cleared, so i figured he would say his real name (though grudgingly). he's in that "i have to forgive myself and own up but fuck this it's hard" phase. he's got this weird observiness character that's hard to write. 
> 
>  
> 
> TL;DR: relationships are way too complicated and dumb. rhaast and kayn are bad people. rhaast is worse.
> 
>  
> 
> thanks if you actually read to the bottom of this ramble lol. what a long note. ._. i just like to blab about my mindset when i'm writing these chapters. 
> 
> thank you!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ey we're back! nearly two weeks from my last update. :0c I had a family emergency and I had to leave home for a bit. ._. we're back now though. I also rewrote some bits, got the ENDGAME. and some other stuff that I wont fully talk abt yet. this chapter is short compared to my usual lengths, mainly cause its a bridge for the complete climax next chapter and also the next two/three chapters are LONG. large oof. 
> 
> Next chapter will be back on the normal update sched. i was debating on tacking this on to the front of the next chap but... decided not to cause... insight? i dont know how to explain it. emotions.
> 
>  
> 
> ty for all your patience in waiting. I really don't mean to take so long. ty ty! I appreciate all your support!

Time passes in a blur for Rhaast. He withdraws so far into his own mind that he could almost pretend that he is still completely trapped, without any access to the world.

He doesn’t pretend that. The void is too terrible to imagine.

How did this happen? He is a darkin. He does not  _ like.  _ He does not grow  _ attached.  _ Even now a part of himself still denies the facts. Rhaast surely would have seen something like this coming. 

But here he is anyway.

So Rhaast isolates himself. He doesn’t pay attention to anyone else. He doesn’t look at the way Kayn’s hand jerks to his throat when Yasuo nudges him alive with tip of his sandal. He doesn’t listen to them talking, a brief exchange of words before Yasuo leaves. The sun hasn’t even peeked over the horizon. Rhaast does  _ not  _ see the way Kayn sits—nearly meditative—beside the dying embers of their small fire. His hand remains on his throat for a long moment before he gets up, something rigid in his posture.

“Still sulking?” He asks Rhaast, voice sharp with bitterness.

Rhaast distances himself quickly. He had not meant to creep closer but he’d moved towards Kayn automatically. The realization is like a splash of cold water.

“Like always,” Kayn’s snaps when he doesn’t respond.

 

They travel in silence. Different from normal. Usually they are aware of each other, a steady tendril of consciousness that they both know. Almost companionship. The knowledge that at any time they could reach out and find each other in their connection.

This time Rhaast is alone. He prefers it that way. He does not want to be around Kayn. He will erase this subconscious attraction, whatever it takes, so he can take Kayn’s body and be free.

His prison feels lonelier today.

 

The plains turn back to forest, this time the trees are sparse and the rising sun highlights the dew sparkling on the grass. Kayn continues, surefooted and silent, till the forest grows sparser still. They travel without talking. Kayn occasionally stops to refill his waterskin or dig through his pack for a few rations, but other than that he is tireless. When the world begins to darken again they traverse steep hills easily with the help of the boy’s magic, slipping from shadow to shadow in the blink of an eye.

At the crest of a high hill, Kayn finally pauses. Rhaast can see the coast, the ocean is a flat expanse except for the black sails of Noxus, four ships sailing ever closer on the horizon line.

“We’ve arrived before them,” Kayn notes. 

Rhaast says nothing.

“Are you going to stay silent forever?” He asks, still so bitter, but this time there is sadness too. Just enough that Rhaast, the one who’s spent the most time with him, can notice.

When the darkin does not respond, Kayn looks to the land ahead, where a village rests near the ocean. The same river they’ve known since Kinkou wraps its way between the houses. 

“Such a _coward_.” Shieda shakes his head. “A has-been god, afraid of me?” He sighs, starting down the hill. “I guess I should be flattered.”

Rhaast  _ knows  _ Kayn is trying to bait out a response, but the last lie does manage to strike his already tense nerves. 

_ “So lovesick you cannot think of anything else? You’re obsessed,”  _ he hisses from the safety of his weapon.  _ “Dismiss this idiotic notion or rot in the mud.”  _

Kayn scoffs.  _ “Idiotic notion,”  _ he repeats mockingly, tone beyond venomous. “You can’t think at  _ all,  _ can you?” 

_ “I will rend you—”  _

The boy cleaves Rhaast’s scythe straight into the dirt. The tip sinks in deep, fueled by rage.

“No— _ Rhaast!” _ Kayn cuts him off, nearly shouting. Yelling into the wilderness. “You will  _ not,  _ because you’re the spineless  _ scythe!”  _ He steps away from Rhaast and takes a breath, attempting to calm down. “And you act as if this is  _ my  _ fault. As if  _ I  _ wanted  _ this? _ ” A wild gesture towards the darkin. His evil eye narrows. “I  _ didn’t!  _ You’re more human than you realize!”

_ “A darkin does not feel—attraction.”  _ Rhaast growls. He has not seen this side of Kayn before, this overtaking anger. 

“But you  _ did!”  _ Kayn throws his hands up. “It was your own barrier. Like it or not you made a mistake!” He pulls Rhaast free from the ground and stomps onward. “I don’t  _ love you,  _ as you like to say. But I can admit something exists, unlike  _ you.” _

Rhaast lets his displeasure expand, until it presses against Kayn’s mind like a river against a dam. The human stumbles but continues onward stubbornly. Rhaast keeps the pressure up the entire journey to the village. It will create a nasty headache and he likes it like that. Perhaps causing Kayn pain is the way to distance himself and end this— 

Fixation.

 

***

 

The sky has darkened considerably when Kayn arrives, skirting past the humble houses with the night’s help. The sea brings with it a western wind, and the tall grass rustles with something foreboding. It is a coastal town so they must be used to visitors, but still he gets odd looks from stray passerby. His appearance no doubt. Rhaast as well, a menacing blade over his shoulder.

Kayn makes a steady beeline for the inn. Inside, a collection of residents are huddled, talking urgently over a map. Kayn quickly scans the room once before he leaves, continuing past the village’s edge towards the ocean.

_ “Not staying at the inn?”  _ Rhast asks.

“Yasuo was on his way here,” Kayn answers tersely. “Or were you not listening in?”

It’s strange, understanding that Rhaast does not know everything about his host. A sobering note perhaps. He is reminded that Kayn must keep his own secrets. A strike against his pride because— 

It exists. Rhaast fully confronts that realization in his mind. The spawn of his own failure. He doesn’t know what caused it. Perhaps it was the sex. Kayn’s body is certainly desirable. It had felt so good to take him apart and see his pale skin marked by lust. Maybe it was how much time they’ve spent together, emotions mingling too intimately. Rhaast doesn’t know what exactly tipped the scale from a careful plan into miserable attraction.

But he must tilt the scales in his favor once more. And to do that—he will hurt.

Kayn finds a spot overlooking the beach, so close that the sound of waves crashing against each other is unavoidable. There are still trees bordering the shallow cliffs before the beach and Kayn climbs one easily, finding a roost among the sturdy branches. Rhaast watches as he settles down comfortably, back against the trunk and eyes on the sea, where the black shapes of the Noxian ships continue to move closer. 

_ “Holding so close. Are you planning to ambush an entire army?”  _ He is not opposed to the idea, simply because he wants to fight. There is a longing for battle that never leaves. 

Kayn rubs his forehead. He doesn’t mention any pain from the headache and Rhaast doesn’t expect him to. Fire with fire after all.

“Why did you kill him?” Kayn asks. The tireless question. He almost wishes Kayn had been unconscious throughout the entire ordeal, so that he wouldn’t be able to keep bringing it up.

_ “I hope you drown.” _

“I can’t swim,” he replies evenly.

The response strikes Rhaast as odd. Not because he can’t swim, that is believable considering Kayn’s upbringing and where he was raised. It’s the  _ tone.  _ He doesn’t understand it.

A memory is slipped to him. It is the moment of doubt before Rhaast strikes. Kayn is behind him, harsh coughs clawing through his throat. 

_ “—I am worthy, I am capable.”  _ He can feel Kayn’s absolute conviction that Rhaast is going to take Stowe’s offer. There is no reason for him to stay.

 

_ “I don’t know.”  _ Rhaast finally admits as he slips further away, the headache diminishing with him. 

Kayn peers through the broad leaves of their perch towards the horizon line. The warm western wind rustles the branches and pulls at his hair. 

Maybe this is it? Maybe this is what caused the mistake. Times like this, where the two of them are both at odds and at ease. 

_ “I’m going to kill you.”  _ He means it. Rhaast cannot have this continue. Whether or not he gets to use Kayn’s body, this must end.

“I wish you knew.” 

Rhaast rumbles with displeasure. Kayn keeps nudging him off balance. He does not want to think about Stowe now. 

_ “Is that your game?”  _ He growls, not entirely blinded by pride anymore. Kayn has his own secrets after all.  _ “To try and tilt me with idle statements? I will not play it.” _

The human leans his head back and closes his eyes. 

Rhaast knows Shieda will not answer him. He doesn’t return to his own mind however. Instead he remains in the bond. Kayn is not near, but—his accursed prison feels too empty to return to on this strangely solemn night.

 

If he has made such a grievous error, Rhaast decides, then he will live with it for one final night. The calm just before the waves crash and he can erase his mistake.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they'll get there eventually. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **im pretty onboard with kayn not knowing how to swim. its just not something he's picked up his repertoire. why tf would he when he just teleports or goes through walls and wasn't actually raised by the sea.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ouch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of explanation, a really unexpected and. bad thing happened in my family. im still getting over it i guess, but i lost a lot of my interest in... basically everything and cut off all my social media. after like, a month, its back thankfully. slow going but still going. sorry for all the people i kept waiting. :C writing is. a passion.
> 
> enough about that though, since i dont want to revisit that. :^( 
> 
> i cried while writing this chapter for the first time. idk if i was emotionally raw or if it was just an emotional chapter. it's long so enjoy. will get to answering all my inbox stuff now too. :0

The Noxians arrive when it is barely day. The sun is not visible, but the sky is gray as the first skiff reaches the beach from the two large warships that have arrived. They are fully armed, armor knocking together noisily as they splash onto the beach.

Rhaast can feel the excitement, the resolution as Kayn remains rigid in his hiding spot, watching carefully. There are many, _many_ black skiffs and they unload mechanically onto the shore.

The plan is pushed aside in favor of the promise of blood. He knows Kayn is waiting, watching for the perfect time to make a move. Nevertheless he is restless. Perhaps not just because of the impending fight.

****

One of the last boats grinds against the sand. Rhaast recognizes the uniform of Noxian commanders, a woman and a man, with the same equally cruel posture. That’s who they must pick off then. Easy prey.

“What are those?” Kayn whispers under his breath, just for Rhaast.

He looks closer. The rest of the soldiers that were in the boat with the commanders carry large canisters, hooked over their shoulders like a backpack. A good question. What are they hauling?

 _“Lining up like ants,”_ he comments, seeing the neat orderly rows of soldiers. The men carrying the strange cases hover around the commanders like bodyguards.

Kayn exhales quietly. “We’ll wait.”

_“What if Zed is here? What will you do?”_

He doesn’t answer right away, fingers still around him. On the beach, the army begins to move, marching inland towards the village and the rest of Ionia.

“I will decide if I see him.”

****

The army continues to march, tight formation intimidating as they grow nearer to the village. Kayn finally descends from the tree once they’re solidly ahead of him. The graying sky has turned lighter but there are still plenty of shadows for Kayn to use, channeling his magic to sneak closer to the backline where the commanders are. Rhaast can feel his anticipation growing. Soon.

Kayn weaves among the sparse trees behind the commanders. The woman draws an axe and inspects the blade, red hair tied tightly away from her face. Rhaast knows it’s just a waiting game for Kayn. He’s keeping up with them, quietly looking for the right moment to strike.

The woman shares a look with her partner. He’s a tall man with hawkish features and dark eyes. Rhaast recognizes the hunger in that gaze. The woman swings her axe once before hooking it back on her belt. They’ve lagged behind the rest of their army, but not by much.

****

And the moment she puts her weapon away, Kayn acts. He darts from shadow to shadow, utilizing every patch of darkness that he can reach to combat the brightening day. This is one of the best parts of an attack, Rhaast thinks. The moment right before they are revealed, just before—

He feels the absolute _thrill_ as Kayn practically materializes behind the woman—rising from shadows like a phantom—and impales her cleanly through the chest. The reaction is instant. The Noxian screams, a shriek like death. Rhaast _savors_ it.

Kayn kicks her free from the blade and spins the scythe easily to slash at the other commander. He at least responds quicker, ducking under the sharp swing. Kayn’s attack does still connect however, clipping against one of the canisters strapped onto another soldier’s back. The canister hisses as green gas releases violently into the air.

 _“Hold your breath,”_ Rhaast orders urgently.

The remaining commander tackles Kayn to the ground, pulling a dagger from his belt as they fall. Kayn dissolves into shadow before he hits the grass and reemerges behind him, black mist trailing from his fingers. The Noxians are turning, weapons drawn now as the scythe whips down to try and finish off the man on the ground. The blow doesn’t land, he rolls away from the vital strike and the rest of the surrounding soldiers collapse on Kayn. The sound of the hissing continues, riling up something strange in Rhaast.

They escape. Kayn uses the shadows to disappear again, returning to the trees and immediately scaling it for extra safety. He breathes, shaking his head slightly, trembling with adrenaline.  

“Close,” he comments.

 _“Not close enough,”_ Rhaast scoffs.

Kayn rubs his eye with one hand. The soldiers have temporarily halted, some hovering over their fallen captain. Rhaast knows the wound Kayn caused was precise. A twist as the weapon is removed still remains torturously effective.

“I only cut one head off that snake,” Kayn mutters, disappointed. “Rhaast—that gas.” He sends the faintest experience of strangeness down the bond and instantly Rhaast is reminded, even with that barely-there feeling, of the blazing Shuriman sun.

 _“The poison has been converted,”_ he growls, a new fire rising in his soul. _“Are they planning to smother the whole of Ionia?”_

The Noxians have started marching again, this time with renewed vigor, nearly running. Kayn drops to the ground lightly. The day is against them now. Kayn’s shadow magic won’t be as effective.

He thinks, as Kayn hurries to keep up with the battalion, that the captain who escaped is familiar. Something about his eyes. How many humans exist with that same thirst for power? That frigid arrogance? How many chances to escape has he missed because he’s been fighting Kayn?

Rhaast has had enough.

****

The villagers will stand no chance, and they must know that. Not against a stampeding—now raging—army of trained soldiers. Even so, there are men lined up at the outskirts of the town. Farmers holding their day-to-day tools and fishermen with their spears and hooks, only a few real weapons scattered between them. Rhaast hopes they go painfully. Even if Kayn wants to defend his precious Ionia, he doesn’t share the loyalty. A death is a death.

The breeze pulls at the trees and the early morning is alive with the sound of metal mail clanking together.

The weak treeline ends shortly before the village and Kayn pauses just for a second. It’s open plains between him and the soldiers. Rhaast cannot wait. His whole being thrums with energy. Now is the time.

   

The wind picks up and the villagers suddenly scatter. Bravery can only carry weak minds so far. Instead, a wailing tornado spirals through the middle of the Noxian invaders. Their tight formation is swept into disarray. Rhaast watches, surprised and mesmerized, as soldiers are tossed into the air like insects.

“Finally.” Kayn is relieved. He rushes across the field to the regrouping army. The twister has thrown everything into chaos and it’s easy for him to dive into their right flank and cleave through a group of men. The satisfaction is instant.

 _“More!”_ This time Rhaast knows they can stay longer. Kayn can thrive off a single moment of confusion. And he does, spinning the scythe around him easily. Yasuo has appeared as well. Rhaast sees his sword flash as he dashes into battle at the front line.

****

The tornado has faded away and the Noxians are regrouping. Kayn’s head swims with bloodlust, Rhaast’s fault, but he doesn’t care.

 _“Yes!”_ He encourages. He feels especially powerful at times like this. Not as helpless as he usually does. It’s almost as if in the heat of battle he can direct Kayn where he wants, weapon nudging them both towards their next victim.

A sharp whistle cuts through the air, drawing Kayn’s attention. In the very back of the crowd, the remaining commander raises a hand to the sky. His eyes lock with Kayn’s. A challenge. For a moment the sounds of battle fades to an incoherent buzz.  

****

_“Him.”_ He wants this man. The strange eyes are burning through his mind. _“Him, kill him.”_

Kayn dodges a vicious swipe easily and brutally caves a helmet in. The sea of fighters creates their own set of fresh shadows and Kayn dives in, passing through the mob as if they don’t even exist, nearing his prey in an instant. The commander twists just out of range as he shows himself, avoiding a killing blow with a well timed dodge. He shouts, some unintelligible noise, and the air explodes into green mist, canisters hissing as their contents are released. The poisoned air acts like a buffer and Kayn immediately retreats, sinking backwards into the darkness once more.

****

Yasuo is a whirlwind of his own, flying from enemy to enemy like lightning. When Kayn rises out of nowhere he jolts, instantly turning to strike before recognizing him. A trickle of blood traces its way down his cheek.

“I thought you’d get here faster,” Kayn says by way of greeting.

“I thought you would be slower.”

Kayn barks a harsh laugh as he brings down another soldier. The two of them have cleared a small area between them, but still so many bodies remain.

“You’re shaking,” Yasuo notes, speaking up over the song of war.

“Leave us to it,” Kayn snaps back. He _is_ shaking, Rhaast notices, movements jerky and spastic. This has never happened before. All of Rhaast’s fervor has gotten into his head, and without any resolution in their struggle for power the bloodlust must have nowhere else to go.

“Are all Kinkou shadows as strange as you?”

Kayn doesn’t reply.

The Noxians must realize fighting the three of them directly is a mistake. Instead they split around Yasuo and Kayn, some surrounding them and others still rushing on into the village. There are just too many soldiers, and still another warship approaching the coast as well. Kayn continues to fight, tearing through enemy after enemy in a fervor. Rhaast is proud, but there are just so many.

“Back up!” Yasuo orders, the wind tossing soldiers aside behind them, opening a way backwards towards the village. One of the houses has somehow caught fire as the soldiers run rampant.

He can feel Kayn’s explosive mood in his being, resonates with it so clearly that nothing else matters. Rhaast’s anger has clawed its way into Kayn’s head, digging it’s bloody talons into him like nothing else does. He follows Yasuo after a moment, tossing his head in frustration.

****

A mess. It’s a mess of bodies and blood and now fire creeping its way slowly from rooftop to rooftop. Yasuo is tired, Rhaast can tell. His gusts are weak and they are pushed back by sheer numbers. His excitement grows. A battle is such an irreplaceable experience.

One black shuriken whizzes past them and lodges itself into a soldier’s side. Kayn jolts, whirling around to see that the Order of Shadow has finally arrived. A handful of acolytes leap into the fray, helping to force the soldiers back. Zed is there too, and in the daylight he does not look any less menacing, eyes gleaming too red. For just a moment—when one of Zed’s hidden blades sinks into a soldier’s skull—Rhaast understands why Kayn would respect him. A man that is as deadly as night.

****

Kayn stumbles and falls to his knees, the Noxians have retreated just out of the village and the reinforcements rush around him. A nameless acolyte howls as they are killed. Shieda’s whole body shakes with frenzy. From Rhaast’s position on the ground he stares as Kayn’s fingers visibly darken, color slowly beginning to spread up his arm. He’s never seen this before, a reaction like this.

A hissing canister soars overhead, spiraling green through the air until it connects with one burning roof. The entire house explodes, everyone from both sides scattering. Kayn reels and Rhaast can hear the ringing in his ears if he focuses.

“Kayn!” Fire crawls around them, crackles over fallen bodies like a foraging dog. Zed is in front of them, revered Master _Zed._ There is red streaked across his armor, red across the entire day.

“Get up.” his words carry a biting order.

And even as he’s shaking this hard, Kayn struggles to get up, the last strings of Zed’s authority pulling him to his feet. He leans heavily against the scythe, battle still raging behind them. Rhaast longs to return to the fight but—he recognizes there’s more than one battle to be fought here.

“You’ve disobeyed me,” Zed says in that sharp voice of his. “The weapon is too influential.”

Rhaast feels the way Kayn’s trembling fingers tighten around him. His arms are an ombre of dark, like that night in their bond, where Shieda had looked so different.

“Release the blade,” Zed orders.

For a moment they are not of this time. It’s not Ionia but a different place entirely, fire still rampant across the ancient houses. It’s not Zed, but _Aatrox_ —Kayn mouths the cursed name silently—in front of them instead, a wailing in the air as they stand off before the end of an age.

“Did you ever care about me?”

The older assassin stiffens, surprised. Rhaast is too.

“Now is not the time—”

“I want to know now,” Kayn cuts him off, voice veering towards something manic. He shivers with Rhaast’s bloodlust and rage and _loss._ Human—once.

Zed doesn’t answer, must be unsure with how to respond.

“Say something!” Kayn shouts, impatient. “Or am I not—” he flinches as a particularly loud scream echoes behind him. “— _worthy_ —” The word is a mockery. “—of a response?”

It’s just the two of them, a pitiable relationship. Rhaast feels, oddly enough, as if he’s intruding, as if this public confrontation at the edge of a battle is meant just for the two involved.

“Care enables weakness,” Zed finally speaks, words haltingly hollow.

That is a sentiment Rhaast can agree with, but still, the wrong answer.

Kayn steps back. “I don’t know why I would expect anything else.”

He sounds miserable. Rhaast could delve into it, could dip into the emotions crowding across their bond—explore the idea that once Shieda has tasted something sweet he becomes desperate for more of it—but he won’t. This is the turning point, the final swing of the pendulum. He will finish this, separate himself from this mistake one way or another.

Another explosion rocks the fight behind them. Kayn flinches and Zed darts forward to try and knock Rhaast away. Kayn yells, something wordless, and avoids the strike easily. His whole body vibrates with trapped energy, dark gathering at the corners of his eyes. He whips the blunt end of the scythe at a near inhuman speed into Zed’s hip, knocking him to the ground. Zed rolls as he falls, ending up crouching with a hand on his side, eyes glowing red.

****

“I don’t need you anymore,” Kayn tells him, bitter and resolute before he dashes back into the fray, to chase the retreating Noxians to their graves.

****

***

****

They pass members of Kinkou, some wounded, some dead. They pass Yasuo, chest heaving and sword bloody. Bodies upon bodies. An entire tree ripped out of the ground by the wind. Anger drags them onward, blurring the ground with the sky. Shieda Kayn, always fighting fire with fire. His raging misery is a drowning whirlpool.

 _"Sad, how no one will ever want to care about you.”_ He can’t swim.

“I hate you.”

He streaks from fleeing soldier to soldier on his way to the sole commander. The prize. Every attack fluidly flows into the next, a head gone here, a fatal slash there. His hands shake.

“I hate you,” Shieda repeats. “I _hate you.”_

_“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”_

Kayn rips through a group of three. Closer now. “That’s a _lie.”_

The commander has stopped his retreat, a few steps past the jagged treeline, and turns to face them. He still bears just a dagger but his bodyguards remain around him. The warships loom behind him, ominous and dark. The third has arrived too, and with it, fresh bodies no doubt.

 _“A lie?”_ Rhaast laughs. This is it. The village is at their backs now, left behind in their search for slaughter.

Kayn’s emotions crash against him, all his distress locked up with Rhaast’s endless hunger. It has no exit. Rhaast lets the emotions, the energy, continue to fester.

****

The commander locks his striking gaze on Rhaast. Fire curls at his fingertips. He’s a mage then, that’s why he carries no real weapons. The remaining soldiers crowd around him but he tips his head like a challenge and all but the bodyguards disperse, continuing to fall back to the beach.

“Sad,” Kayn echoes. “How no one will ever want to care about you.”

It strikes something strange, hearing that spouted back at him. Always succeeding in knocking him off balance. It does not matter. Rhaast will be fine if he is feared for the rest of existence.

_“As if I would want that.”_

Kayn laughs, sounding nearly hysterical. He dives towards the Noxian, blade poised, deadly and reckless, control left behind. There is too much _energy_ inside of Kayn, driving him to make foolish mistakes. He is hurting and this time if Rhaast will have to hurt a little too to make sure his plan comes to fruition—then he will bear the pain gladly.

Green mist spews into the air as the target—the _bait—_ manages to dodge the incoming swing. This time Kayn is too swept up in his mania to escape quickly enough. The poison quickly clouds around them, seeking to weaken their connection. Rhaast does his best to root himself in the bond. He can almost see Kayn there too, close enough to picture. A smooth finger against the edge of his horn as the toxin starts it’s overpowering descent.

****

He always hated sand. It gets everywhere and the tireless heat does it no favors. However, Shurima will still remain a city that he is connected to. The sun disc is the first thing he always sees when he returns. Perhaps it’s brighter than the sun itself.

Rhaast misses it. He misses a lot of things. Daybreak, when the sky turns a fiery red like a promise. The anticipation before a battle, where he swings his scythe over and over again to enjoy how right it feels in his grasp. The way night paints itself across the sunset—oh the _sunset._ He misses that too, the nights he spends journeying on his own— _perhaps_ not that. Maybe he’s grown too used to company.

A hand on his arm, blurry like a mirage. Shieda pulls down the fabric covering his face, letting the scorching wind in.

 _“We’re here,”_ he says, sounding breathless, nearly faceless.

Everything seems frozen in time, sand curling across the dunes, heat hazy over the horizon line. It was all so perfect before the void. Before the future slowly began to twist and twist.

 _“Rhaast.”_ Shieda sounds far away.

_“Rhaast!” A tender touch. A smile for him, something soft just for him._

Shieda’s hand brushes against his own, shy. Their fingers intertwine and he lets it be.

_The feeling of a soul around him, trying to offer him comfort. Trying to help._

Maybe sunsets are his favorite. As much as he likes red, the heat becomes overpowering sometimes.

He is worn out, tired from all the time he’s spent trapped and travelling and by himself. Rhaast sinks to the ground, sitting on the crest of the dune so he can watch the sun fall away. Shieda sits with him, leaning against his side. Rhaast lifts his arm, looks at the way their hands fit together. For some reason—maybe the desert heat—everything looks smudged. Like a painter dragged his fingers across the world.

Shieda leans his head against his shoulder. Rhaast is afraid to look at him, he has the strange feeling that the human will not be there if he does.

 _That look in his eyes. Nobody should ever look at a darkin like that._ _  
_He squeezes Shieda’s hand. It is cold. The sun isn’t even halfway gone but it’s already cold. He’s spent so much time by himself, too much time by himself. It feels—nice, to have someone by his side. Someone who also likes the sunset, the smell of war, and the satisfaction of a kill.

A foreboding feeling crawls up his throat.

 _“Rhaast?”_ Shieda sounds _so_ far away now. He’s scared to look, scared to face everything he’s swept aside. The sun is a molten red and the sun disc practically glows.

 _“Shieda.”_ He wants to ask so many questions. Were you ever in love? Is that what this feels like?

Perhaps—where’s the line between human and darkin? At what point did Rhaast cross it? Ascended he may have been, but he’d still felt like the man he’d been born as. He doesn't like thinking about this. Fear aches at his head, reminds him of the hungering, forever advancing void. Now the emotion tears through his heart. All the horrors resurfacing like a city from the sand. Ugly, _painful_ battles. A war he will never want to relive.

He can feel Shieda’s thumb rub up and down the side of his hand. Unsure and soothing, new at this. Rhaast’s anxiety quells as his thoughts of the void, normally as tireless as the realm they came from, are quieted. He knows they are still there, but he doesn’t focus on them. Instead he stays distracted by Shieda’s hand in his own, pictures the curve of his prideful smile, the shrewd danger in his eyes. The _look,_ just for him.

The foreboding feeling remains, in fact it only grows worse. Rhaast is scared to face it. To acknowledge the way the whole word is blurring into meaningless color. He’s spent millenia on his own, but some things don’t get any easier.

He’s not sure if Shieda is still there. Can’t quite feel him touching against him.

What’s left of the sun disc gleams a muddy orange.

   

 _“I hope you miss me,”_ Shieda says, sounding, for once, like he’s right next to him, staying by his side.

Rhaast turns to him, to maybe try and look at this human the way he looks at Rhaast, to give it back. To tighten his grip so they can stay together as the world ends, because as much as he likes being the relentless darkin he is, he is tired of being by himself.

   

There is no one next to him on the fading hills.

****

Their bond is too full of—the both of them. Kayn’s entire personality is surrounded by Rhaast’s immense warlust, his anger, his thirst for a kill, his pain. And with neither of them giving in—fire with fire, the _perfect host_ —it has nowhere to escape to. So when the Shuriman poison takes effect, trying to dull their bond and pull them apart, they have nowhere to go.

Something has to give.

   

Rhaast doesn’t know if it’s him or Kayn that breaks first. In the past he would have said Kayn, without a doubt, as he is a weak human. Now he is not so sure. He is not sure of anything anymore.

When their bond snaps it feels like nothing else has. Rhaast’s never experienced something like this. There is a scream—he doesn’t know from who—that echoes through his mind like an explosion. He feels weightless, floating for a perilous moment in nothingness, his soul doesn’t know where to go. A rush of blackness completely overwhelms him, rendering all his senses, though limited, completely nonexistent. He doesn’t know what’s happening.

****

It feels like forever before Rhaast feels even remotely stable again, and even then he is not altogether there. Everything is dark and his connection with Kayn has been all but obliterated. He doesn’t know where he is, where Kayn is, or even if Kayn is alive.

****

The oblivion of his prison seems to press harder than ever against him, reminding him of his mistake. All of his mistakes.

   

He is alone.

And Rhaast feels—alone.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'VE REACHED THE CLIMAX. 
> 
> i want to add a lot of notes here, cause there's a lot of stuff that's finally culminated in this chapter. 1 or 2 more chapters left (depending on how i end up splitting it). instead i'll just write what i can without delving too far into it.
> 
>  
> 
> so, spoiler by the way, we don't explicitly learn this in the story, at least, not in THIS story, but the origins of the poison is from Cassiopeia. Noxian noble, gone a bit feral... i wont go into a ton, but ive been lowkey hinting at it when describing the poison (coiling around him like a snake). its not super important or anything, but i guess there's a piece of info. the origins of the magic silencing bracelets are also... kinda secret for now lol. 
> 
> in this chapter, kayn got the closest to winning. in the game itself, kayn gets all those markings and transforms when he fully absorbs rhaast. (sad face). this was the closest he got, when all the battle and pain and fighting kinda just... brought them together. so much of rhaast's chaotic soul went into kayn that they were basically meshing together. this ultimately led to their snap tho, as the poison couldn't really separate them and instead broke everything apart. (fun fact, during the last big emotional scene where they were in the bond, kayn also had his markings there because HE was the one creating the 'fantasy' in their minds as opposed to the first time where rhaast built up the scene.) 
> 
> rhaast is basically in fight or flight mode, this was his last straw. kayn was also in fight or flight mode, but for different reasons. rhaast has had enough of this dumbass thing called "feelings" and wants to keep avoiding things that he shouldn't, therefore he does what he can to make it stop, one way or another. meanwhile, kayn is still really struggling with.. heartbreak (word choice?) and not getting the emotional response he wants after feeling how great it is. not just from rhaast, but also zed. 
> 
> that zed scene... i dont think i'll always write zed like this. i know zed was the closest person kayn had to a father figure. still, i dont have any reason to believe he was a GOOD father figure. i write him very cold and far away throughout this entire fic because that's how i picture him. also this isn't his story, just kayn and rhaast's. if it makes you feel any better, zed does care about kayn, in his own little way. its hinted at when zed comes in to watch kayn while he recovers, and it's implied when zed says "care enables weakness." zed isn't talking about just kayn, or the idea of care. he's talking about himself. i leave that open to however you really want to interpret it though. unfortunately, kayn doesn't understand what he means. you have this boy who was tricked into learning what comfort feels like, before subsequently learning that it's all a lie and not even the person who's known him the longest cares about him. its just a big struggle for him. and for rhaast. (and zed i guess).
> 
> and then the struggle-bus drives straight into shurima. easily my fav scene from the chapter, maybe even the whole story. rhaast has never really felt the poison's effects. previously he always hid or wasn't really there. now he is feeling the effects, and it's here in a strange, drug induced haze, that rhaast finally starts to face things. to try and confront all the things that he's been too proud or afraid to confront before. here he is, the most human. you can see his fear, some regret, affection even? i use the words love carefully in that scene, because i dont wanna pin down what they have as "100% love" or anything. their relationship is really complicated and they really wouldn't spout "i love you" at each other like lovesick teenagers. 
> 
> well, it's when he's at his most human, that rhaast recognizes that he doesn't want to lose some things after all. im not going to explore this too much, we still have another chapter (or maybe two) left and he's not quite finished with his thought process. feel free to make your own connections or assumptions, idk fam.
> 
> oh and one more note, really gonna emphasize, rhaast realizing he likes kayn doesn't make him a better person, and vice versa. they're still morally bad people, they're just morally bad people... Together.
> 
>  
> 
> thanks if you read this far. sorry for the wait once again. life happens but we'll keep plugging away. i know my work is by no means perfect, but i try my best to make some form of quality content lol. 
> 
> oh, rebranding my tumblr (and this story too). tumblr is now @no-shxme , feel free to hit me up with an ask or smth. i have a trello list on there so you can see exactly what i'm working on in what order. 
> 
> love you all to shurima and back <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter

In the dark there is nothing to do except exist. Rhaast even questions that. He’d always wondered what would happen if he died in the confines of his curse. Would anything change? 

****

Rhaast doesn’t know. He doesn't know a lot of things. Existence feels fractured, as if when they’d split apart, it was a jagged break. And now there’s nothing else. 

And no one else.

****

Why did he do it? Everything he’s pushed away has come back to taunt him. 

_ “You’re more human than you realize.”  _

If Rhaast could speak, he would answer.  _ “Perhaps.”  _ Maybe all it took was the sun disc, everything returns to Shurima anyway. He remembers Kayn’s hand on his arm. The realization that having someone by his side feels… good. 

_ “Why did you kill him?”  _ He thinks about it. Rhaast remembers the way Kayn brightens when he is praised. Sinking into kind words like quicksand, even if they are false.

_ Were  _ false? 

Kayn’s hand in his own, calming the age old agonies. 

_ “I don’t know,”  _ he would tell him if he could.  _ “I don’t know, I don’t care.” _

There are things that he will never tire of. Death and murder, the turn of his scythe, and a dying sunset, just to name a few. But he is tired of being alone. The realization drives into Rhaast deeper than any weapon.

He is terrified that he has lost his one chance at something different.

****

Time passes meaninglessly before he glimpses a consciousness. Someone he recognizes but can’t quite place. The soul lights up at the edge of his being, trailing forest green through the nothingness. Instantly he latches on, it feels like the first time, right before he met Kayn, where a soldier had reached for him in fear.

He hopes this human is the same. Maybe if he can lure them in he can escape. All he needs is the barest touch. 

_ “Perfect. _ ” Silky black hair was so soft on his fingers. 

**_“Who will prove worthy?”_ ** He asks. Intoxicating on both the weakest and the strongest minds, however he is sullen. The lure will hopefully be enough. Just  _ one  _ touch—

****

And it is  _ enough _ . Rhaast feels a brush of contact and all he can hear is roaring as the wind finally reaches his senses. A breath of air as he easily snuffs out the soul like a light.

_ “Amao!” _ He turns clumsily at the shout. An acolyte stares at him in horror from a few yards away, face drained of color. Rhaast is already changing, corruption crawling up his new body, the glorious rush of a  _ form _ overtaking him.

“I—” the acolyte stammers. “I told you—don’t—”    

The world is deliriously bright. Sunlight filters through the trees around him, so colorful after nothing but darkness. He can see smoke rising over the treetops to the west.

**_“An end to her already ineffective existence,”_ ** Rhaast growls. Amao, how perfect. She’d already had an interest in him but she’d committed such a human error. Perhaps he should be grateful. 

The man turns to bolt but he knocks him down into the dirt. Rhaast must work fast. His body has an expiration date. 

Rhaast kicks the man over onto his back and steps on his throat, not crushing, not yet. He must look downright monstrous with the corruption sharpening his claws and broadening his shoulders. 

The human’s eyes are white with fear. He reaches towards his belt but Rhaast is quick to swing his scythe like a hammer and pin his hand into the dirt. The man wails. 

He leans on his scythe.  **_“How long has it been?”_ **

“I—” A snivelling mess. “I don’t know—Amao—”

**_“She’s dead. I made sure to tear her soul to shreds,”_ ** Rhaast cuts him off, impatient.  **_“Tell me how long it’s been. Are the Noxians still invading?”_ **

“Yes—” the man gasps as Rhaast slowly cuts off his air supply. “More—from the beach—”

**_“And of Shieda Kayn?”_ **

The man’s free hand reaches to try and force off Rhaast’s foot, but he’s too weak. 

“I don’t know—” he manages to get out.

Rhaast pulls his scythe out of the dirt. The man jolts, screaming again. 

**_“Pathetic,”_ ** he hisses. This boy’s answers are not useful at all.

“Let me—go, please—” Worthless begging.

**_“You think I’d let you go?”_ ** Rhaast laughs.  **_“Die knowing that you couldn’t save your friend’s life, or your own.”_ **

He crushes the man’s throat under his heel, relishing in the distinct feeling of his body giving way. There will be no getting up from that.

****

The burning village is northwest of him and the hills are directly behind. Rhaast doesn’t know exactly how he ended up here. A charred patch of ground offers some help, but it’s not enough to really figure out what happened. Perhaps the force of the bond breaking had caused some sort of explosion and Amao had come to investigate. Rhaast doesn’t know. At least he was not trapped in his weapon for long. The sun is lower but there is still daylight.

Not much time left to this body. It will last longer than the one in the Noxian bunker, but probably not by much.

He advances till the forest thins out to the wide stretch of plains separating him from the beach. There are bodies scattered across the flat land, some still moving, other stiff. Fighting has continued, the final boat having brought a fresh wave of soldiers with it. 

Rhaast just needs to get to where he last was. To see if maybe—just  _ maybe  _ some semblance of Kayn is still alive. He starts across the field, wary of the way his fingers have started to crumble. Must stand out like a demon. A darkin.

When the humans, from both sides, inevitably attack, whether driven by fear or bewilderment, Rhaast cuts them down easily. He does spare one Noxian soldier, but only long enough to invade his mind and take over. This one has a weaker will than both of the forms he’s held previously. Another body will be necessary. 

The wind howls across the plain and tears at Rhaast’s new armor. He sees Yasuo far away at the village edge, staring at him. His long blade is pointed directly at him, a warning. Maybe a challenge. 

Rhaast wants to answer it. Any other time he would. Before Kayn he would. But he sees the gleam in Yasuo’s eyes, the glint of it, even from this far away. It’s not like Kayn’s. 

Maybe that’s it. He glances at his hands, already turning black, then back at Yasuo.

_ Another day, _ he thinks to himself. 

Yasuo tilts his blade and the wind screams through the grass. Rhaast turns back towards the coast. He’s too far away to be chased.

****

Another group of Noxians are foolish enough to cross his path. He tears through them and moves hosts again. The battle has soured. All of the clean tactics and order of the Noxian army has fallen apart in the wake of this new terror. 

_ “Why did you kill him?”  _ Kayn would ask, a whisper like the first streak of night in the sky.

_ “The eyes,”  _ he’d say now.  _ “He didn’t have your eyes.” _

The plain gives way to the sparse trees again. There Rhaast finds another body, a sturdy Kinkou warrior this time. He remembers this face from Kayn’s memories. There are more Noxian troops now, retreating towards their sloops in a hurry. They haven’t noticed him yet in the clamor. 

And there, standing in the rolling surf, is the commander. He scowls at the men as they attempt to organize themselves. Those  _ eyes _ . Not like Kayn’s either. Rhaast might never find another soul with Kayn’s gaze. A look as if—

_ Shieda.  _ He’s not dead. The relief tears at him harder than any gust. Not lost after all. Once, Rhaast would have been disgusted with himself, but now he smothers that with the memory of Kayn leaning against his side. The realization is still so recent that he can’t quite wrap his head around it. 

****

Kayn is in one of the boats nearest to the captain, leaning against the side of the sloop like a loose piece of cargo next to a stack of the poisonous canisters. His arms are restrained behind him and the corruption that Rhaast had laced his body appears to be gone, leaving reddened streaks in its wake.  

He looks barely awake. Pale as a ghost.

****

Rhaast announces himself with a swing of his scythe as he steps onto the sandy shore. The tips of his horns are still not as sharp as he’d like. In a few minutes perhaps. There are so many enemies. A good fight. 

A  _ worthy  _ fight _.  _

Now the humans immediately take notice. Someone cracks green  _ Shurima  _ into the air and the men raise their weapons. The captain trains his hawk stare on Rhaast, fire crackling across his arm.

“Today will not be a total disappointment after all,” he says. There is no tremble in his tone. He is confident. 

Shieda doesn’t stir. He must not be fully conscious. 

“Tell me, monster.” The captain steps out of the surf. He raises one hand by his ear and the hissing is silenced. “What brings you back?” 

The cursed eye on his weapon is wide, fuming and terrible.

**_“There are plenty of lives to end here,”_ ** Rhaast speaks, and the soldiers shuffle nervously around him. If he concentrates, he can almost feel the bond—or a shadow of it—in his mind. Kayn moves, a murmur in his head. Maybe the proximity allows it.

“You’d think a  _ darkin— _ ” The man raises his voice louder as he fans the air with his hand. “—would have bigger plans.”

He hefts his scythe.  **_“You’d think a fragile human would know better than to stand against me. Don’t you know how many people I’ve slaughtered?”_ **

A tendril of fire snakes around the man’s boot, popping grains of sand into the air. The soldiers are growing even more restless, weapons clanking together noisily. 

“I am aware.” A muscle twitches in the man’s cheek. “You were the one that killed my brother, weren’t you?”

It clicks in Rhaast’s head, how similar the man is to Stowe. He hadn’t thought about it before, granted he hadn’t thought about a lot of things.

“They’d found him gutted along with the rest of that miserable outpost.” The captain bares his teeth in disgust. “He always had so much  _ faith  _ in a darkin’s potential.”

Rhaast laughs.  **_“Meaningless even in death.”_ ** He has a plan now. This human is trying to stall him out, till his form weakens to the point of uselessness.

“I would burn your body, and let your scythe sink deep into the ocean, but Noxus has other ideas.” A ball of fire blazes in his palm. This time it does not go away. 

**_“And you expect a whipped army to stop me?”_ **

“I expect—” 

Rhaast darts to the surrounding men and swings into them, body a blur. Armor is easily torn through. His blade is always so  _ perfectly  _ sharp. A sword digs into his side and the sharp pain burns buzzes pleasantly. He doesn’t care, it’s a temporary form anyway.

The beach is thrown into chaos as Rhaast is collapsed upon. He doesn’t draw it out as much as he’d like to. Not enough time left to savor each and every scream, instead he works quickly. A spout of fire explodes near him and men thrash as they are set ablaze.

Strength over all, that’s the Noxian way. Yet soldiers continue to fall to Rhaast’s hunger. Not strong enough. Some begin to break away and escape, but still get caught in his wrath. Firebolts pelt the beach, hitting Noxians indiscriminately in an attempt to stop him.

****

That’s always how it is. Humans never seem to understand just how fragile they really are, especially when against a once-god. Where Rhaast can shrug off blow after blow, trained warriors are felled in one. Even the fire doesn’t stop him, as it’s easy to avoid the heat.

He senses it again, the faint echo of the connection they once shared. A search in the dark for Rhaast. For a little comfort.

_ “I know why,”  _ Rhaast would tell him.  _ “Because of the way you reach for me.” _

****

“Darkin!” He looks up at the shout. His body is nearly over with, leaking blood onto the already stained sand. There’s not enough men to put up a proper fight since so many have scattered. So his attention shifts to the captain, face a rampant rage as he raises his fist high in the air. Unbridled heat radiates off of him.

He sees the sloops, floating a short ways offshore, pushed off during the fray. He sees Kayn’s boat too no doubt, stranded on the waves with the rest of them. Out of immediate reach. The air hangs heavy and still.

“Why did you really come here? You still need his body as your host, don’t you?” 

Rhaast scrabbles for the tattered remains of their bond.  _ “Get out.”  _ He orders, desperate for Kayn to understand.  _ “Get off the boat!”  _

He recalls the lazy arc right before the poison had knocked against the rooftop and exploded. The poison that he’d seen next to Kayn. A mistake. He recognizes it now. Rhaast is so used to fighting for himself. It’s been so long since he fought for someone else instead. He should have secured Shieda first.

****

_**"I could still use his body,”** _ Rhaast agrees slowly. Maybe he can draw this out a little, though if he waits too long he will lose. The commander must know that too. He tries to contact Kayn again, clamoring for that phantom feeling.  _ “Jump off the side! Kayn!”  _ Is he still in the boat? Rhaast can’t quite see.

He realizes he’s said the wrong thing as the captain’s face calms with finality. “Could,” he repeats mockingly. 

Rhaast is thinking about this wrong. The fight is lost and this man hates him for killing his brother. He won’t show restraint. Fire gathers in the captain’s hand.

Rhaast dives for him, clumsy from the wounds his body has suffered. He does not connect with the man in time. The magical flame tears through the sky and a moment later an explosion echoes off the water, echoing over the waves like a thunderclap. 

****

He invades the Noxian’s mind and rips it apart, devouring him as cruelly as possible before taking his body at his own. This body is far more resolute, he can tell. It will last him a long time. More useful than his brother at least. 

Rhaast hurriedly stomps into the water, scythe still in one hand. Pieces of smoking wood float over the water, drastically deeper as he gets closer. The water reaches his chest, and then the seafloor is gone beneath him. His desperation is a rage. As he draws nearer, he can perceive the ghostly bond, jagged and strange. A thread of what it used to be.

_ Alive. _ He swims down—difficult with one free hand—and finds  _ Kayn, _ a muddied form beneath the waves _.  _ Rhaast locks his grip around Kayn’s arms—still bound behind his back—and kicks them both to the surface. When the human’s head breaks through the waves, he coughs and coughs. 

“You—” he manages one word after he’s expelled the ocean from his lungs, but that is all.

**_“Me,”_** Rhaast agrees. His feet finally find purchase and he pulls them them both onto shore. 

Kayn sags against him as soon as he’s out of the water. Rhaast cuts his arms free, also slicing through another one of the magic silencing bracelets on his wrist. 

****

Rhaast looks at the black ships in the sea, then at the smoke continuing to curl over the treetops. He doesn’t know what to do. All his life he’s been alone. He may have had armies and comrades at one point, but nothing like this. Someone at his side purely because they can be.

“You came back.” Shieda finally says, voice suspiciously weak. 

Rhaast turns to him. The reddish streaks across his skin, where the darkin corruption used to be, have faded somewhat. His beyond messy hair sticks to his forehead. What do you say to someone who has as much pride as you do? How do you tell them?

**_"Let’s go,”_ ** he decides. 

“Why did you—” A waterlogged cough. “—come back?”

**_“Not now.”_ **

“Rhaast—” Kayn insists.

**_“Not yet,”_ ** He growls, and the assassin goes quiet.   


*** ****  
** **

They journey up the coast and then inland, till they stumble on a wayward farm. The sky is darkening now, and throughout their slow going, Kayn has continued to lean heavily against him, though quiet. Rhaast prefers the silence. He doesn’t know what to say. 

****

Killing the inhabitants of the farm is easy. Rhaast understands that well at least. He leaves the three bodies in the tilled fields. There is a fireplace in the simple house, already alive with warmth. Kayn sits on the ground near the hearth, shivering. Rhaast doesn’t sit next to him. He is out of his element. Instead he sits against the wall, a little farther away. He examines his weapon, flawless and sharp. He runs his thumb over the back of the blade. 

****

So much has changed.

****

“I hate you,” Shieda finally breaks the silence. His hair is loose and he’s working his fingers through it to try and tame the knots. 

Rhaast sets his weapon aside.  **_“I know.”_ **

Kayn glances at him, eyes glassy. The firelight casts dancing shadows across the wall. “Tell me why you came back.” He stumbles to his feet, creeping closer to Rhaast. “You wanted me dead.”

He wishes their connection was still strong. He wouldn’t have to say anything, he could just show him. Could make him understand.

“Say something,” Kayn orders, though his voice wavers.

Rhaast reaches out. Shieda doesn’t react as he takes his wrist and pulls him down next to him. Eventually the human leans, so warm, against his shoulder. 

Always greedy for comfort. Rhaast can’t blame him anymore. He searches for the right words to say.

**_“I’m unused to fighting with someone,”_ ** he says, slowly. Words dripping from a wound too deep to close.

“Why—”

**_“Now I am unused to fighting without someone.”_ ** A death sentence. 

Shieda falls silent. 

He glances to his left and their eyes meet. Rhaast knows why.

**_“Because of how you stare at me.”_ ** He answers the unspoken question.

It’s the way he looks at him. As if he’s human. He is  _ not  _ human, but perhaps he still feels like one. Shieda looks at him the way no one ever should. A soft gaze that Rhaast can steal and keep for himself. The way he  _ reaches  _ for Rhaast, admiring him like humanity did long ago, before the earth turned sour. He may have caught himself in his own trap, but Rhaast has decided to stay.

Kayn is still next to him. He’s not going to disappear like on the Shuriman dunes.

Isn’t Rhaast allowed something for himself? That’s what he’s realized. Just because he’s so used to being alone doesn’t mean he has to be. He can allow a fragment of tender weakness if it means Kayn will chase away the haunting void with his touch.

“What do we do now?” Shieda asks after a long pause, quiet. Maybe they’ve spent enough time together that Kayn understands. “I’m not going back to Kinkou.”

**_“This body will last a while,”_ ** Rhaast says.  **_“We can cross the sea.”_ **

Kayn shivers at mention of the ocean. “The rumors.” He makes the connection to Yasuo’s words easily.

It has been a long time since Rhaast has been to Shurima. Perhaps the city has not returned at all. Maybe there will be nothing there and rumors will stay rumors.

At least the journey will have company.

“I haven’t forgiven you,” Kayn murmurs. The heat washes over them in waves. He watches the light flicker on the wall, sees the last vestiges of sun through the window. 

What they have is strange, Rhaast knows. A warped reflection of something sweet. 

**_“Not yet.”_ **

Shieda hums in agreement. “Not yet,” he whispers. But his fingers knock against Rhaast’s anyway, clumsily sneaking closer. Not like the sand dunes, not the same comfort as in the bond. Different. More raw.

****

They’d been at odds with each other once. Rhaast still remembers hating him. Even now he doesn’t know exactly when it became different. He’s still wrapping his head around it. It’s not as if his personality has changed, he is still a bloodthirsty, warseeking darkin. He has a  _ body  _ now too. Something that will last him. A form he can touch and hold with. 

****

Now he is a bloodthirsty, warseeking darkin, with Kayn.

****

They will figure out their plans in the morning. There are many questions that still need to be answered. At the moment however, Rhaast will sit against the wall and listen to Shieda’s soft breathing as he rests. 

****

Prideful, not perfect. Content. 

****

They are alone.

****

And Rhaast does not feel alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're off. congrats to everyone that read it through lol. I had plans to originally end this in a nsfw scene, but i'll have to save that for a one shot after this. im leaving some questions unanswered in case I ever want to revisit for some form of sequel, but that would be way in the future if at all. 
> 
> i WILL be writing more kayn/rhaast. :} a couple one shots set in this universe (one coming out like tomorrow lol) and a more lighthearted (but still angst cause it's me) high school au is also in the works. i honestly love writing these two. its very fun. also wanna write more smutty stuff for them so i'll have to make more of that.
> 
> if you want to give ideas or talk to me about k/r or have questions or anything, feel free to message me or use my ask box on tumblr. @no-shxme i also have a trello board (link on my blog) that shows you what i'm actively working on and other fun stuff. come say hi
> 
> thank you all for the comments, kind words, kudos, subscriptions, and everything. your support means a ton to me. i know my writing isn't perfect or anything, (prolly gonna do a hefty edit run later) but it means a lot that you guys liked it so much. 
> 
> looking forward to writing more of these two. :^)

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr is @no-shxme feel free to shoot me an ask or chat or something. 
> 
> comments and kudos are suuuper appreciated. thank you!


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